Thursday, July 30, 2009

More than meets the eye.

THANK YOU! To all of you that encouraged me with comments, facebook messages and personal words. My last post was just a vent, but proved to be so much more. Thank you, again.

So, on to what that post was originally supposed to be. A call to arms (at least for me)
While at my parents, I watched only a couple of movies...a few times each. Transformers(1st) and Prince Caspian. I walked away each time, just filled with...adrenaline. I love a good action movie...a GOOD action movie. But these two movies, stirred something, in my soul.

There is a point in Transformers where Shia and Megan (blech) are standing in front of Bumblebee (my favorite) after he reveals who he is to them and transforms back into a car. He opens his door and Megan Fox rants about not wanting to get into the car after just seeing what it is. Shia replies (something like)

"50 years from now, do you want to wonder what would have happened if you had got into the car?"

YES! That sets it all into motion...the fight.

Caspian, the end of the movie just makes my soul want to just jump out of my body, for real. It is like something in me knows the power behind those images and knows which side I am on (BTW, I LOVE the part when the river throws back his hair, so beautiful!) But the faces of the men (on both sides of the battle) looking at Lucy on the other side of the bridge. She should be afraid, she should be a little scared. Then Aslan walks up...

All of these images re-birthed inside of me the desire at the core of us all (or should be) to fight for something greater than ourselves. Whether or not I make it out alive isn't the point, the point is I am engaging in it. What is I never "get in the car" what will I miss...I think a lot.

Read the story of Jonathan and his Armor Bearer (1 Samuel 14) and see what it means to get in the car. I want to be about more than what is seen...

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Grow up.

I am in PA...excited to reconnect with some long-since friends...makes me realize that there are several people in this world, who knew me well and accepted me, and dare I say liked me...even before I knew that was what they were doing. I miss them...I miss a lot of people, that I never thought I would. I realize that when I go on Facebook. I wish I could sit down and REALLY chat with people.

I also realize that I still live in High School when I come back here. The same people that would be nice to you, depending on who you were dating or friends with (that particular week) are still the same way.

Exhibit a:
Go to Giant Eagle (the world's best grocery for many reasons) and run into a former classmate. My mom sees her first, I try to dodge (as I am VERY self-conscious about my weight, looks, etc and only have 2 kids with me to blame it on!) but I suck my gut in, walk over and it begins
-Hey, how are you?
-You look great!
-I hear you have...how many?
-Just 4, not what people think...
-Oh, well I have 5, so I understand
-(I am thinking) and you are still a size two with the cutest hair cut ever...I hate you
-(I say) Great to see you.

As this conversation goes on I see her out of the corner of my eye. One of "those" girls I mentioned above. She looks EXACTLY the same and I see her double take me...great, she's checking out my thighs!
I turn to actually smile and wave, when she quickly turns away...I understand...then as I am checking out there she is again, then in the parking lot...by this time. Bitchy me is out! BRING IT!
I see that same smirk I saw at the High and see her get on her cell phone as soon as she gets in her car. As she drives off, she is grinning...I can list the people she called to say
"You will not believe who I saw at Giant Eagle!"

Seriously...as much as you want to fight it...that stuff kills...wounds reopen, doubts and lies flood in. what is wrong with people. Do you realize I graduated...15 years ago! I mean, COME ON! Sadly, there are more people in that category than I would like. It stinks...I'm different, I would have thought they were different...

would have thought they would have taken the chance to grow up and move along.