a little curious

I'm not...

2011-04-18T16:16:00.000-04:00

...
was going to write dead, but I'm really not...however if you're around me right now, that is questionable...walking dead.
(For the record it is going to take a good 30 minutes and tons or re-writes to do this post...why? Brennan has The Rescuers on...my ALL TIME FAVORITE kids movie...besides pippi longstockings...and Robin Hood...oh heck, where was I?)

My sincerest apologies...I've been a blog delinquent...tsk,tsk...I know.

So, coming back today I thought of all the blog posts I have running around my head (I think in blog posts you know). My real review of Love Wins, my tales of the goings on in this crazy exciting family, my excited recap of Spring Break (let's just say it ended well) or my thoughts on running in my Five Fingers (yes I have them and Yes, I love them) but to be honest, I just don't have it in me (refer to first sentence)

So as I was cooking dinner tonight, I thought that I'd start back in on a lighter note...what are the MUST HAVES in my kitchen. Exciting!
-Kitchen Aid Mixer...you don't have to soften cream cheese or butter with this puppy!
-My pots and pans...I am the proud owner of more All Clad than I deserve, but everyone deserves All Clad, cooking with anything else is a travesty...I mean it...ask me more if you want to get some CHEAP!!
-French Press...I sway time to time, but on a whole this is the ONLY way to make coffee. Easy, quick and the best...mmm, going to make some in a minute.
-Cookbooks-My Favorites-ANY church cookbook is awesome, or Junior League for that matter...tested and true recipes, The Pioneer Woman Cookbook (so fun to look at), and Cooks Illustrated (this is a magazine, but the absolute whole package, I cook more from that than anything else LOVE LOVE LOVE)
-Good Season Italian Dressing- Yes, I make the dressing, but this is a staple ingredient in so much. Especially my Mom's Spaghetti sauce ( a good Scottish version) which I'm making right now for my husbands very Italian family...oh well.
-Yeast, Flour and Sugar- When groceries and money are low, these three can get you through any meal...pancakes, waffles, bread, etc.
-Good...I mean GREAT olive oil!- I get mine at Penn Mac in Pittsburgh and bring it down...so very good and you'll never miss butter
-Greek Yogurt, Honey and Granola-This actually stays at the office, but is such a treat
-Oatmeal and Natural Peanut Butter- How David and I celebrate breakfast after working out each day (well him each day, me every other (ish) day)
-Hummus-My kids first step to healthy eating...they fight over it! With veggies or Wheat Thins.

That's about it...Curious...what's your kitchen must haves?

Prayer part 2

2011-03-20T19:08:00.000-04:00

So many thoughts in my soul...I get so IRRITATED every time I see a facebook post of Rob Bell in an interview...READ THE BOOK! &*(%$$# Yes, I said it...it ticks me off. I've got about 20 pages left, and no I don't agree with everything, but I don't disagree with it either. I'm irritated at him too for being so much in the Gray, but I understand that, I have a certain friend that shall remain nameless that likes to not land on the black and white of issues...ask more questions than give answers...it's annoying, but in no way do I question his stance on Christ, or salvation or the scriptures, because I know him...oh wait, these people must no Rob Bell to condemn him on his BOOK TOUR!!!! Ok, ok, I'm done...grow up...ok, I'm done, I promise...for now.

So what was I writing about...oh yeah, Prayer! So, on my last post I tried to make 2 points,
1-Prayer is a conversation and we should pray the way God has designed us to communicate, in our own way, easily, effortlessly and uniquely.
2-The more we hang around someone, we have a tendency to pick up their mannerisms, so by continuously "hanging out" with God, we may actually tend to look more like Him...strange, but it obviously worked for Jesus.

Side note- I have to say that I disagree when people make a statement like "Be Jesus to them" or "you may be the only Jesus people see" Although I think we carry the weight of that responsibility, it isn't totally true. I think the correct statement or way of thinking is to be the us that Jesus redeemed. God made us to be us...not us to be Jesus...we are to be us with Jesus in us....does that make any sense? We cannot be Jesus, but we can be ourselves, completely made new by Christ and completely able to share our story made righteous by His blood. So even though by hanging with Him we may begin to look like Him, hopefully, we are still very much ourselves...which is a good thing.

So, my second point that I want to touch on tonight is what are you praying for? I feel like there are two types of prayers....Redemption and Deliverance, both forms of healing. And one of those is always given.
As we think on this and next time I'll break each one of these down, I want to share an illustration that I heard Crawford Lorits give once.
Sometimes when we pray we ask God to deliver us from a situation...and sometimes He does...and other times it plays out more like this...
A father is outside playing with his son, and the son falls on the ground and splits his chin open. (As a mother of 3 boys, this happens more often than not) He quickly scoops him up and takes him to the Dr., where it is declared that the boy needs stitches. Now, this happened in the 70's when numbing agents weren't as widely used as they are today...in fact they weren't used in these situations at all. So the Dr. informs the dad that he will have to hold the young boy in his lap and keep his arms pinned to his side, so the Dr. can complete the stitches. The dad, with tears in his eyes, scoops up his son, and tightly wraps his arms around him. The boy, scared and nervous, asks his dad if it will hurt..."yes" he says, "but I have to hold your arms down so the Dr. can do his job. And if I didn't do that, it would be a lot worse."
Sit in this for a bit...think on this as you consider your own prayer life. How often do we get mad at our Father, as it seems he is assisting in a painful process, let alone, not making it stop. And it make take a lifetime to see it, but He wants what's best for us...and His redemption is promised to bring healing to situations that were not intended...but redemption can hurt, and sometimes He has to hold our arms down, so the Spirit, can put back what was broken...and there will be scars, but with scars come stories...good stories.
Be blessed today, as you converse with your Father and ask Him to reveal times of redemption in your life.

Prayer Part 1

2011-03-17T09:37:00.000-04:00

Prayer is one of those things that alludes me...I mean when there are whole SECTIONS on how to pray in the book stores (christian and otherwise) there's got to be a problem! But I think I've figured out why there are so many books! I know, get the Nobel committee on the phone...

If prayer is described as conversation, then why do we try to imitate each other? I know that Jesus told us how to pray, but saying a prayer by rote is not exactly heartfelt or conversation. But that prayer can be heartfelt...for example, if my husband were to come to me and read a poem from a book, or even recited it, dead faced, yawning in between lines and mumbling...I'd kick him. Now he may even try to make it feel more dramatic, pausing in the appropriate places and having an eb and flow to his voice...but I can tell it's just an act, and a good dramatic reading. But, if he were to look into my eyes, speak those words TO me, as if they were his own...well, you know what would happen next...right, right!!!!

Or this...
When I was at camp one year in High School, my roommate for the week noted that she was starting to talk like me by the end of our stay. I didn't understand what she meant, she sounded the same to me...no, it was the way in which she had conversations with people. She then pointed out my specific mannerisms, how I trailed off at the end of sentences and finished thoughts to myself, how I shook my head and looked down a lot...I never noticed these things. But it made me realize, we all have a certain way of conversing that is uniquely our own. Thus prayer...that's why often as we sit and try an learn how to pray from other people we my find useful things, but if we try to perfectly Copy them, it feels unnatural, it is unnatural.

We can take certain postures and tips and phrases and even words that other people use in prayer, but don't forget, you have your own unique way of conversing...don't lose it. Look at how you uniquely have a conversation with other people. Do you use your hands a lot (GINA!) do you laugh a lot, do you usually listen and say little? Take these and apply them to prayer...it's just a conversation...

soundtrack of life

2011-03-15T16:21:00.000-04:00

Music...I love it...it speaks too me...through me...I think you get the point.

You can learn this by asking my husband...I send him songs when I can't find the words...songs about love, fighting, really messing things up (mumford and sons is really good for relationships). You can learn it from my friends who for whatever reason, have received the good 'ol mix cd from me. Whether going through a tough time, moving away, or just because...music is my language. I think I've said it here before, that there is something in my soul, that communicates with God this way too...it's a heavenly language.

So, I thought I'd give you an update on where I am musically at the current moment.

*- Mumford and Sons, I mentioned before. It's really funny how they have just exploded with an album that was recorded in 2009! But it's a great album and I can't wait for their sophomore project (music language for Second Record...I'm SOOO with it!)

*- Katie Herzig is another super stellar artist. She has a real mix of sounds, soulful, folksie, popish, it's just all there! It's just the kind of music when you want to be happy and chill. Good for laying in a hammock on a Sunny day

*- Kari Jobe has just one of the greatest voices period. I love it. It's powerful but mellow, different, yet highly familiar. Her passion behind the words she sings, also familiar, just takes some songs to a whole new level...she gets me going almost everyday.

*- Bombay Bicycle Club could be one of my favorites at the moment. They have been for awhile. Like Mumford and Sons, they are a real smash up of instruments and styles and unusual voices, etc. A little of everything and just some AWESOME chill music. Read a book kinda music.

*-Janelle Monae....I've got to give Lauren Walker TOTAL props for this. As well as one of my other ALL time faves...Feist. Janelle is a total change of pace for my usual set list. A little funk, a little R&B a little 80's and all ATL! She is fresh, in every sense of the word.

So, those are the New Additions to my Pandora over the past year, and of course, Imogen, Ingrid and Bon Iver still get thrown in the mix, but try any of these out and you'll be please...a little disclaimer, they are not all for little ears...so be careful who's in the room

Curious as too your musical likings

The gospel, according to Wonder Pets

2011-03-07T10:46:00.000-05:00

In the latest episode of Wonder Pets (well, one of the only episodes we watch, because it's on dvd) I was listening as Ming Ming was talking to the Emu in Australia. He was telling her that he is the largest bird there and she puffed up (as she usually does) and said that she comes from an impressive lineage too, she believes her great-grandfather was an Eagle. Well the Emu just smiles at her (the best way an Emu CAN smile) and they move along. He smiles, because she's a duck...duck's don't have any relation to Eagles...their ducks. Unless man interferes (or domestication interferes) animals don't crossbreed.

And it hit me...is that what it sounds like to people when I refer to God as my father? I mean, I'm human, sinful, as all are aware of, since we so often remind them. And yet, I think I can claim God as my Father, among other intimate relational things? Really...No wonder they often smirk and move along. It's bizarre!

But what if Ming Ming were to suddenly spread her, what seem to be minuscule, wings and had a massive wingspan, only ever seen on...eagles. All of the sudden her claim would have relevance, there would be proof.

It's not a new message, our words and actions need to match. If I claim to be a child of a Father, I need to carry characteristics of that said Father...even in the case of adoption this is true! My brother and his wife have adopted 3 children, from three different parents at 3 different stages in their lives. Each of my sweet nieces and my force of nature nephew, all have some characteristics of Chad and Heidi. Whether it's the way they say certain words, facial expressions or their taste in clothes. Because of the CONSTANT interaction with their now parents, they take on traits that make them known to be part of that family.

So I am challenged that when I claim to be from a great lineage, that someone whom I stake claim in, and who in turn stakes claim in me, that I spread my wings and prove that not only to I bear a mark of that lineage, but might flight patterns model His as well.

Rob Bell Bandwagon

2011-02-28T13:35:00.000-05:00

...I'm jumping on...why? Well...because I want too so there!

So if you are a little late to the party and have no idea what the up roar is about...click here http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/justintaylor/2011/02/26/rob-bell-universalist/

If you don't know who Rob Bell is...well, you might want to grab a cup of coffee while we chat.

So, go click that link...you MUST watch the video and come back...

Okay, so we're all caught up?
Well, if you are on twitter, or maybe even FB, then this is everywhere, and everyone has an opinion and almost everyone is quite aggressive...almost foaming at the mouth kind of aggressive. My goodness, it seems like people were just waiting in the wings for the slightest little...GOTCHA! Whew, its, well, embarrassing.
One such twitter post was from John Piper:
"Farewell Rob Bell"

Wow...just wow. (not that I need another reason to not care for Mr. Piper...but he gave me one anyway...yes, I'm entitled to that opinion too...)

So, as people were busy tying Rob to the stack and gathering the kindling and matches...I was thinking and asking D'vegas what his thoughts were. Ever the nice and truly authentic person he is, his response was "I don't know."

So, I'm left to muddle through this alone...sigh...here I go.

I have two frames of thought..
1.) THE BOOK ISN'T EVEN OUT YET!!!!
I am a HUGE advocate for creating an assessment AFTER getting the facts. People were using the book as a reference point for all of their arguments and it's not even available to read...seriously. As far as I'm concerned I agree with the title...does that make me a Universalist? Yoi!

2.) That being said, watching the video is enough for me...to question and tread VERY carefully until clarification FROM Rob Bell is made on his comments in the video. As much as I agree that Love Wins...it won when Christ came...God set a system in place, that created a system that was about impossible to adhere too, in order to spend eternity (and the here and now) with Him...BUT He loved us so incredibly much, that He made an out. He set up the system, and He redeemed the system and made it accessible to ALL through Christ. That shows that God is a loving and good God...not the fact He wouldn't send anyone to hell (which I don't believe)

SO, what am I saying...I'm saying I don't agree with Rob Bell...that my interest is piqued on finding out more on his stand on universalism...and that even though I think those things, I would never EVER attack or feel I had the right to ...gasp...condemn him. Ridiculousness people...call your watchdogs back and relax...

*Sidenote...For the record an author whose writing I adore and has spoken and inspired me very much, was not too long ago put on the Southern Baptist Convention Watchlist for being occultic...you may have read one of his books Ragamuffin Gospel...yeah, Brennan Manning.

Be very careful which direction the bandwagon is going when you jump on it...wolves are a little bit harder to spot when there are a bunch around.

Curious as to your thoughts...

Petra - Computer Brains / Clean

2011-02-23T08:45:00.000-05:00

Here is the song I was referring too in my previous post! Hair bands rejoice! Going back to the Roll-R-Skate!!

So Much to say

2011-02-15T15:04:00.000-05:00

...There are probably 15 times a week that I come up with a blog post in my head...of course I don't write them down, that would be too easy and efficient. So, I sit and try to pull them from the depths of my mind. Vague...
I know that most of them come from kids movies...that is really all that is in on in our house. We got rid of Direct TV, got netflix for the Wii and an antenna, LOVE it! At $9.99/month, we haven't missed it at all, and it's actually cut down on the CRAP in our house. We can truely pick what the kids watch, not just choose based on what's available. Oh that reminds me...
A couple weeks back I heard someone make the comment "moral sewage running the house"...whoa...I stopped dead in my tracks, not only was that a great phrase, but it's shockingly true. Not just in our home, which I would suggest we shelter just right of middle, but in a lot of homes. Whether it's television, music, books, or mostly, our speech. Petra or Degarmo and Key, used to have a song called "Garbage in/Garbage Out" it was pre-techno, techno. It is evident everywhere.
So, as I juggle continually with trying to be "in the world and not of it" this moral sewage keeps me in check. What does your home reak (sp) of? What is the fragrance that fills the air? I'm in HUGE gut check about this right now. Introspection is always good, responsibility is even better.

Rejoice in this again...today.

2011-01-31T12:55:00.000-05:00

Need to post this again...Feel that a lot of us out here are under attack and need to be reminded that everything belongs to Him and no weapon formed against us shall prosper...Praise Him, in the midst, life it up and lean into His love. Dancing around also lifts the spirit...my soul literally revolves with this song.

....Your Voice it Thunders, the earth is shaking
the mountains now are shaking
Creation sees you...and starts composing...

Rest

2011-01-26T16:58:00.000-05:00

The other day I was laying down with Millie...she needed the nap, not me ;-) but when I got up to sneak out of the bed, I looked over and there she was fast asleep...I couldn't take my eyes off her. She looked so...beautiful. Sleeping, lips perfectly pursed, face relaxed, and...quiet...she was at peace. So that evening as my kids fell asleep I snuck around to all their beds and got a glance...yep, it wasn't just her...and it wasn't just the little ones...all of them looked beautiful.
Then last night, David and I sat down and I finally got to watch the documentary Babies...you must see it, I giggled and "awww"ed the whole way through. But there is about 5 total minutes throughout of the babies sleeping...I loved it...the mouths suckling as they slept...the expressions they make as you wonder what they're dreaming about...so sweet!

And my heart question...does the Lord think I'm the most beautiful when I rest? I somewhat think yes...as a parent, He thinks we're beautiful all the time...but I think when we climb up in His lap and rest, we look most like what He intended. Relying totally on Him...face relaxed, worry lines cease...lips aren't moving...breathing becomes steady...peace. We can't live like this I know, but we don't do it enough, I mean really rest...

Hold tight little one...slow down your breathing...think on good things...and rest.

A calloused Heart

2011-01-12T12:15:00.000-05:00

I'm about to be very vulnerable (to quote the illustrious Dave Rhodes)

I'm about to talk about my...feet...Ugh...I think I just threw up a little in my mouth...gross.
My feet are awful...Calloused, rough...awful to touch. My feet used to be wonderful, in fact someone once told me how nice they were...but that all changed in 2000. And has continually gotten worse...why then? Well, that is when I was pregnant with Brennan...gained 40+ lbs (which I still have yet to lose, but that's another post) and my feet grew 1/2 size. Swelling, the added weight etc...it took a toll...and then happened again in 2002...and 2005 and 2006. Yes...pregnancy did this too me. My feet grew a 1/2 size with each child except Millie and my weight went up and down (mostly up).
So what do I do to my poor feet? IN an effort to lose some of that baby weight I start running...wow, that brought a whole NEW realm of callouses...crazy runners feet.

It's awful, awful I tell you...but you wouldn't know unless you really looked at them...or GASP...tried to touch them (which i wouldn't allow).

So this leads to the thought I had this morning while using my pumice stone in the shower...that is so much the definition of a calloused heart. When we think of someone with a calloused heart, we think of a bitter old man, hunched over with a permanent scowl on his face, growling and mumbling under his breath...but is that really how it looks. I mean, how do you know if it's calloused unless you reach out and touch it.
Nails painted, Burts Bees Foot Creme on...you'd never know to look at it. Only when you touch it do you feel the callouses.

Realising that whether the callouses came from great struggle and sacrifice(of my own : running or of someone Else's doing : pregnancy) doesn't matter. It needs to be tended too...only by regular visits for a pedicure (time and money to sacrifice) will the callouses begin to be removed.

So I ask you (ask "us" really) do you think you have a calloused heart? When people reach out to touch your heart, do you wince at what they'll find...or even more, not even feel it? You know they've attempted to touch you, so you respond with a smile, as not to hurt their feelings...but it did nothing for you...too much dead skin between the touch and the nerves...

You may have never considered yourself a calloused person...you don't scowl, you smile...you let people into your life... the "nails are painted" and you even dare to wear flip flops, so people know you're fine with your "feet".

We need to be razored and pumiced and massaged and loved...that is the only way to get rid of callouses and able us to feel.

Time for a pedicure?

My name is Courtney...and I'm an addict

2011-01-11T11:27:00.000-05:00

(all reply) "Hi Courtney"

This week, I'll be trying to purge some of those addictions as I seek out God in many different ways, as Father, King, Lover and Shepherd. All of those relationships have with them different modes of communication. British Historical Dramas really bring those into clearer perspective. We (as Americans) don't know what it's like to have a King as a close friend or father or lover...it's different, I like it.

All that to say (it has nothing to do with the next part of this post) that God has really been pushing back on me...I can feel the coals being stoked and the temperature rising...the refining fire is coming. I don't fear it as much as I used too...I know it now, know that the burn isn't constant and the cooling sting of the water bath after brings healing. But refining is ever so humbling.

So the question at hand is "What do I love"? Is it God, the being, the author and perfector of my Faith, Love itself? or is it the evidence of Him that I love? I'm not talking signs and wonders stuff here, I'm talking the evidence of God...His hand persay...Do I love Him in spite of His hand or because of it? Is what happens when God steps in just icing on the cake or is it what I long for?

Thought I was SO beyond this point, but apparently not. It forces me to get to know God...again, better, more...

Is it hot in here. or is it just me?

Broken toe

2011-01-05T18:45:00.000-05:00

yes...I broke my toe.
Well, not really, I kicked a table (a round one at that, so that all are able to be safe) and it hurt like the dickens...and I'm cranky, and feel not good and...and....waaaaaaaa
[Not to mention, my kids have decided to play hide and seek and that means Millie in her squealy voice running around yelling "Apple Peaches, Pumpkin Pie, Found you! or I'm in the closet or Hi-Yah. It's funny...but noisy and I'm yelling, don't touch the walls!]
David, the saint that he is, cleaned up the kitchen, as he always does, and is walking around in Long Johns trying to think of ways to help while mumbling comments. I need a retreat...
Can you have a hospital stay, like the maternity kind, for a broken toe...or at least a semi-broken toe?
Sigh...

Whole

2011-01-04T16:21:00.000-05:00

Sorry folks...blogging...not a priority, up until now. I haven't forgotten about you two out there ( Thanks Gina and Mom!)
No regrets though...right, moving forward. Picking up my Pen again.

So much is ready to come bursting out...but I've been told to keep quiet, it's okay...I can do it! Not for much longer though...so be just a bit more patient.

In the meantime, the word for 2011...Whole. The spirit just gave it to me, and promised to continually reveal as I prod along...different than any other year, in the process of choosing my word, out of a goal or plan of bettering myself...a lot more exciting!
Already I feel that Whole is meant to encourage me in all areas...I guess Holistic. Not just bettering in all areas, but abiding in all as well...loving myself and those around me and within me. Also offering my whole self...that's a scary one and I'm not going to talk about it anymore and pretend it's not there.

Blessings to you this entry to a new year...an exciting one at that...you can smell it in the air, feel it in the earth. Almost a constant rumbling that something is about to burst forth...my soul just lept.

Amelia...

2010-12-09T09:24:00.000-05:00

4 years ago ...at this moment, friends were trickling into Greenville Memorial Hospital, waiting to see if the Reichley 5 had been blessed with a little girl. We were (not that people took our word for it, Georgi-Beth stripped her all the way down just to be sure. After all, she looked just like Eli!)
Our life...my life...changed forever that day.

Millie's was a journey of surprise. We didn't find out what we were having...didn't paint a nursery, didn't have a shower before hand...didn't decide on names until the last minute. And on a COLD December night (after David parked at the farthest spot from the hospital and ran in saying "It's freezing out here" as my mom helped me hobble in) our fighting princess made her way into our world. (Not to mention on the day of her favorite Aunt TiTi! It was and will always be the best birthday present ever)

Millie, is an anomaly to me. She is 185% girl. Babies, pink, dresses...all the ubber girlie stuff. But she could be the toughest kid I've ever met. Mentally and physically. Seriously, the girl re-defines Strong Willed! But as my mom pointed out, she's been a fighter all her life. At birth she refused to gain weight, forcing me to feed on demand for the first few weeks of her life...taking her to the doctor to be weighed every other day. Once out of that chaos...a new one in sued...one that changed my opinions of myself.
At 6 weeks old Mille had RSV. I have known other families to go through this and knew it was a long and tough sickness to fight.
But after another Angel (Leslie Helms) told us to take her to the ER on the night of the Super Bowl and teams of nurses blowing out her veins as she laid there on a table not fussing at all....and after she was admitted to the PICU and a specialist told us we had to wait outside...and after he told us we had a very sick baby, and they will do what they can...then. Only then did I feel helpless. All emotion left me, it still does when I think about it. I could do nothing...Couldn't hold her, feed her, cry for her, even pray for her. I just....sat.
She fought...hard and strong. Pulling through the grueling treatments and tests. After a week, she was released, but had to fight another long 4 months of recovery.

That was the first half of Millie's first year.

She turns 4 today. She is alive, very tall for her age, allergic to nothing (which is shocking after severe RSV) and a fighter.

Passionate and Loyal...traits that are incredibly evident in her life. She loves as passionately as she fights and when she chooses you...you can't break that covenant. As with all my children, I see the Lord's favor on her in ways that could truly change the world.

She changed mine...forever.
I love you moomsie.

Get it....

2010-12-01T08:33:00.000-05:00

I know I've posted about this before,but buy yourself and early Christmas present and get the new Gungor CD: Beautiful Things. I CANNOT tell you how much this has ministered to me...each day a new song hits me right where I'm at....of course track 2 and 7 start my day EVERY morning. It's hard to dance whilest driving, but I manage. Always do!
Here are a few lyrics, from the title track...means something new to me every morning.

All this pain

I wonder if I’ll even find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all

All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

It only gets better...the cover artwork is enough for me...I want to paint it as a mural in my house, seriously...La'Walker, you up for it?

Curious as to anyone else's thoughts on this album?

Yogurt Mountain

2010-11-28T19:48:00.002-05:00

After being introduced to this eupohoria of foodie heaven, by my phoenix...Audrina....in Tuscaloosa, one of my other fave people has informed that G'vegas now has not one...but TWO Yogurt Mountains....Can it be so??? There is a God and He does love me! (not that I didn't think that before...you get it)
http://www.yogurtmountain.com/locations.html

Integrity...

2010-11-16T23:22:00.000-05:00

It's a shame that there are 30somethings walking around without it...

Speechless, sick to my stomach and disappointed...

Stop looking in the mirror, realise you aren't the only person in the world, and show...I don't know...

INTEGRITY!

(Going to get in trouble for this one...but it's time someone makes a stir.)

I'm done.

weorthscipe

2010-11-02T11:53:00.000-04:00

Can you guess what word we use today from this Olde English word?

Well, let's see Weorthscipe broken down is this:

Weorth-Value or Worth

Scipe-Shape or Condition

In other words, judging the value of something...what is it worth to me?

Worship...puts a new spin on it doesn't it.

When you struggle with something having a stronghold on your life...well, you feel that it is WORTH more to you than not doing it. A moment of satisfaction (or a few moments depending on the vice) has more VALUE to you than doing what God has called you to do (or not do). It's simple...whatever has more worth to you, will get your worship.

Yet, not so simple...lies and deceit cement vices to our legs, arms...entire bodies. Sometimes they have dug so deep into our skin, that they almost seem to be part of us...something that requires no thought or decision at all...we just do it. This is where my frustration with "deliverance" comes....it doesn't always work that way. Sometimes the only way to be "delivered" from a situation is to completely cut of our leg from the knee down, in order to get the fused vice off of us....seems to be more destructive than delivering....but here is where God steps in an truly shows off...He begins to heal the wound...sometimes a new "leg" grows back, but most often, after pain and bandaging and frustration...we begin to learn to walk with a limp. Sometimes with the aid of a crutch or cane, but we move, we go...we're redeemed.

That...that God, deserves worship...the value is compared to none and worth the severing of limbs (if necessary) in order to give everything, every dream, every movement, every breath...in applause of Him.

(Thanks to Richard Smith, Pastor of Hopepoint for the inspiration of this from his Sunday Message)

Curious as to what You worship?

Starvation

2010-10-27T15:36:00.000-04:00

/stɑrv/

[stahrv]

verb, starved, starv·ing.

–verb (used without object)

1. to die or perish from lack of food or nourishment

That's right...starvation...it's been a long time coming...I feel it in my soul, that a lot has led up to this moment, and I feel no sense of hunger or craving...only the tension of going without.

My prayer has been for some time, that my soul response be primary and my flesh to be secondary...or none at all! So the Lord spoke to me the other night as I asked how I make that switch....Starve Your Flesh....
ummm, ok....I need to lose a little weight (and by a little, I mean a 5 year old child...that's for another day)

No, not that kind of starvation...the spiritual sense of flesh...starve that.
Well, how do I do that? In order to do that I must know what "feeds" my flesh
-Music
-Television
-Reading
-Social Media
on and on...basically anything that I do, out of pure satisfaction of myself...

Now, let me clarify, that I am NOT saying these things are wrong...I am in a particular process for a particular outcome and feel that most of these things will be re-introduced into my life...maybe not, we'll see. But since I am trying to "kill my flesh", a drastic thing, I require drastic measures. {Think alcoholics and how some can return to even having social drinks and others, can never be around it...again, we'll see}

So, I will keep my blog up, as it's a place for my to glorify the Lord through sharing what I learn.
-So far, the "cravings" have been minimal, surprisingly.
-Have noticed HUGE spiritual warfare, as my flesh is reacting to the starvation...Spirit is beyond strong though and God is faithful.
-So excited to see what is revealed as the death takes place...
Curious what your thoughts are....(if you're reading this on FB or Twitter, I won't be there, so please leave a comment on my actual blog)

Explained but not defined

2010-10-18T09:54:00.000-04:00

My heart is in turmoil right now...conviction and grace are swimming all over me, and that makes for an odd mix of heart beats. As a woman...I am always struggling with things like, the ever present temptation to gossip, judge and self righteousness. As a wife...I am always struggling with security, unconditional love both received and given and self lessness. As a mom....I am always struggling....period. Seriously, those who have had the privilege of knowing me long, know that motherhood is not in my bones...nurturing doesn't come easily. But I am having to remind myself of a mantra that the Lord downloaded to me several years ago...one that is life changing...if I let it be.

Explained but not defined.

My weaknesses in parenting, the lack of natural ability...explain my struggles, but don't define me as a mom
My INTP Meyers-Briggs report...explains how I tick, but don't define who I am
My insecurities and struggles with identity...explain my response, but shouldn't define my attitude.

You, see, I've come to realize that the only thing, the ONLY thing that defines me is Christ. The only thing that can redeem the negative qualities in my life and restore them to usefulness for offering hope, is Christ. That even thought there are chapters and chapters of my life, they don't have to define the life I have yet to live. I mean, I got a doggone tattoo to remember that...I guess I knew why I needed to see that everyday to be reminded of it!!!

Nothing, bad parenting, weight gain and loss, impure thoughts, a wicked tongue...nothing can separate me from the love of Christ...a love that covers all sin.

So as I sit in a swirling pool of conviction and grace (if you're dying to know, it relates to parenting. I can't stand when people are passive aggressively vague in blogs. I need to love my kids better) I with be introspective in looking at why and what has brought me to this point, I will repent, I will be proactive in moving forward, not dismissing my actions to "that's just who I am and how I work".
God is bigger than that.
Curiously waiting to see what He has in store.

And now...it's rising from the ground...

2010-10-11T08:35:00.005-04:00

If you walk past me and I have this "look" on my face...and you wonder, "What is she thinking about?!" Don't worry, I'm just singing to myself...well not to myself, but my soul and I are singing with the Creator...the Creator of all things, of Beautiful Things.

This past week, Wayfarer had the amazing privelidge to have a suite at Catalyst...you know..Suite 7, check us out next year...ANYWAY...It's always a blessing, a shot in the arm...but this year, the music just overwhelmed me...in whole. From the opening numbers with the Eminem remake (don't like those, but the did it well and had a beat artist that was...words aren't here for it) to Keyes...to my fave...Gungor.
Side note...been a fan of Michael Gungor for a while, but he has finally found his niche...the new sound of his band is incredible and spot on and annointed. (Beautiful Things is the title of his new album, and one of the most amazing songs ever.)

So this is the song that's in my head, the song that reminds me who God is, the song that makes my soul and I grab hands and spin around in yearning for unaltered communion with the creator. Be blessed, be awakened, be curious.

Do you love her?

2010-10-03T13:31:00.000-04:00

She's not perfect...although the expecation is there. She smells of imperfection...and grace. She doesn't always know the direction she's headed, and usually thinks she knows better than she does...luckily her groom holds her hand and gently places his other hand on the small of her back as he guides her...
Starting to sound familiar...it should, it's you...or at least you are part of her (if you're a child of the King)...The Bride that is...

This morning at church our pastor gave a much needed call to order...before he started pluggin small groups and community building opportunities, he realised something...realised that if don't LOVE the church (meaning Corporate Gatherings) you're not going to LOVE smaller versions of it anymore. Eventually they will become tainted too...and you'll realise that we are all flawed.

But more than that, he drove home the point that God LOVES the church...Big "C" small "c" the argument is old in my opinion, trust me...I've banked on that several times...but reading scripture, and admitting that what Paul talks about is the Local Church...that is what God loves...enough to arrange a marriage between it and His only Son. He loves the church, you can't get away from that...and with a statement I've heard so many times before, it rang personally to me.

I cannot love the Groom apart from His Bride...I can't, and He won't have it. Flawed, ugly at times and useless...He loves Her, and so Should I. If "one another" is used 59 times in the NT to instruct us how to do life...apparently I don't have all the answers, nor am I designed to go at this alone.

So, I ask you, do you love her? Or are you trying to love the Groom apart from His Bride?

Just Curious

let's try this again...

2010-09-27T15:36:00.000-04:00

Ahem...check, check...(insert feedback squeal here)....Hi. My name is Courtney, and this is my blog. Let me (re)introduce this to you.
It's a blog of thoughts...sometime, all my own, sometimes spurred on by others thoughts, and sometimes non-sensical in nature and random in content...but always, authentic and honest.
Let me claryify that I understand that this is not my online journal, nor will it be treated as such. I also understand that it isn't my online bragbook either. At least of myself, others...well, we'll see what the day brings.
Trying to past at least twice a week, that gets harder as life goes on, but I hate the lack of committment that I have given in the past.
So,thanks for the feedback...it seems that some of you are a little curious as to what I have going on "up there" , and I'm a little curious as to what you have to say about that. Curiousity may be risky, but it also makes me who I am. I love to learn, never thinking that I know it all, and always willing to challenge the process.
Let's see where this rabbit hole leads...

Changing things up and Helping me out...

2010-07-24T21:07:00.000-04:00

Yes, I know, I've been breaking blog etiquette. Sorry...life, you know.

So, I read today that a good motivation and accountability in running is to blog about it. So this is turning into my motivation and running blog. I will post my playlists, my weekly workouts and anything in between. Any tips or suggestions are welcome and I look forward to where this goes. It's hot as TARNATION here, so my runs will be inside on the tready...boo. I have a triathlon in 2 months, so training for that begins this week.,,,oi.

INTP

2010-06-01T08:59:00.000-04:00

If you know what that is, you have either been in corporate America or a psychology major! I was neither, so I just recently found this out about myself.
"Google it". So I did and have slowly been working my way through the profile descriptions...it's been interesting, funny, frustrating and well...spot on!
Over the past year, I have been in recovery...you see, I'm a recovering cynic. I used to think, and even blame this trait, as an excuse to say and treat people, however I deemed "truthful". That is so far from the Truth, it's a little nauseating. So about a year ago, after doing a study on the emotions that God placed in all of us and how although they seem negatve, God can redeem them for His use. So the process of being cynical into being about Truth in Love...it's hard. But so needed and honestly I wish a lot more "agents of Truth" would take this journey. It's must be what it's like for a recovering addict to become so aware and sensetive too, other addicts that they had never seen before.
So I'm back to being an INTP. Learning about myself. Realising that the explanations do not Define who I am, but Explain what makes me tick.
There is only One who defines me...and only He can continually change that defenition. I am content, truely able to say that, with the defenition I currently have and knowing that He is still refining. I enjoy the thought of that, not so much the process, but you know...
So I've been blessed with knowledge and tools and people to help me through my Recovery...
What are you, or do you need to, go to "Rehab" for?
Trust me...I said "No, no, no" for a LONG time. It's much better on this side.

It's all happening...

2010-05-28T07:47:00.000-04:00

...a little too fast.
Life that is. Seems to be spinning. Some good, some not so good.

Camp is here, that means constant work. Constantly thinking of what needs to be done. I don't mind it, it's enjoyable work and it's David's "sweet spot". I love seeing him shine and take charge and lead like no one else. He truly is one of a kind, and in the camp world...he knocks it out of the park.
Camp also means summer and summer means kids are home...today is the last day of school. FYI, when your kids hit life in the school year calendar...flies by doesn't even begin to describe it. The years are a blur, seriously. Summer around here means structure and travel. We have a structured day or mom goes crazy...not good for anyone. We travel to PA for a few weeks each summer, and that is always a highlight and memory maker, priceless for my kids to build memories in the same place I have from my childhood. We also have David's family reunion, in between camps...so that pretty much sums up June!!!

Abiding...has been going well. I had a slip up yesterday and I was at a point where the lack of action had me frustrated. I reverted back to the place where I want control and felt that integrity was losing out again. Frustration...anger...disappointment. I was quickly drawn back in with the Gentle but Firm arm of Our Father. and words from some FB friends!! Back into the vine I go, the pruning season is somewhat embarrassing as it seems that all you have done is cut away, as you await the new. It looks like failure..

We're are homeless...church home that is. David and I have made some difficult and painful but healthy decisions for our family. It's tough, it's no fun, it's lonely. We feel we have a direction on what we are too look for in a Corporate Worship home...but it's still no fun. Let me assure you that there is no bitterness. As David said "there was no line drawn in the sand that someone crossed." So if you want to know gossip of sorts, you are coming to the wrong person.

So that pretty much sums it up. Our life is busy, and plentiful and lived daily by faith in our Guide and Provider. The Shepherd knows what's best for us, I'm still learning how to trust Him. That again?!?!

So Peace be with you this season. I will be back when I get a minute, June is about here and we are off and running.

Songs

2010-05-13T11:51:00.000-04:00

I am convinced that my life has a soundtrack.

When David and I were dating he used to get frustrated when we would be driving and there was no talking...he'd ask what I was thinking about..."nothing, I'm just singing in my head". He'd roll his eyes, not believing. Now, he's a believer and he enjoys the silence a little too much, the tables have turned and the "song" in his head usually begins with a "W" and ends with an "ayfarer".

All that to say , I truely hear music in my head all day. I used to think I'm crazy, but now I know that is just a way the Spirit speaks to me. It encompasses emotion, literal meaning and complex artistry all in one. I guess you could say it encompasses me. (And no, it's not all spiritual music, God's not that small).

So songs, they mean a lot to me. They are the easiest way for me to convey my thoughts and emotions (just ask the people in my life who have recieved mix-Cd-that's sad- from me rather than a letter or speech)
It is one of my most favourite things to do. Search out artists, shop on iTunes and read lyrics and the stories behind them.

And yes, you don't even have to ask, I have the music for my funeral all picked out. It changes every couple years, but a few remain...they keep me focused and aware that when I leave there will be others left who knew me. I hope they knew me well, and speak well.

So what is your song list? What would be the soundtrack of your life? Here, is my current:

Mushaboom
Ice Cream
American Boy
True Love
Paper Planes
You and Me
Hello Lord
I like to Dance
Fragile
The Way I am

Wagons and such

2010-05-05T08:38:00.000-04:00

I've fallen off...and they've moved on...I'm waiting for the next.
Take your pick, you name which "wagon" it is and I feel like I am just watching drive off into the sunset! Health, Exercise...blogging.

I apologize for my lack of responsibility. If I'm going to have a blog, I need to keep it up. If any of you are still out there. Thanks.

So, as I climb back onto the rickety car and rejoin the wagon train, I will try and be concise and fluid as I share where I am.

I am at a place that if not careful, I could stay forever. A place that I think has gotten many people in trouble, if not handled correctly. A place of Abiding. As in, when the branches are being pruned, they abide in the vine. It is blissful, restful, beautiful...it's full. I wonder, and understand the struggle, how the Israelites returned to work after taking every 7th year off. Although, with my personality, I guess I will be itching to get back at it. But for now, I'm enjoying my Sabbath.

The other morning in my place of meeting (sounds important, it's my new hammock out back, I'm a creature that loves ceremony) I had the strangest experience. I was reading my Bible, and the spirit told me no..."ok, so not that passage, I'll read the next". no. Put it down. Seriously, put down the thing that I am trying so hard to instill back into my daily life? But it was clear as day, almost audible. "Stop trying to learn me and just BE with me. I'm relational, I love you, I'll tell you all you want to know." I was shocked, excited and humbled. I go about life, trying to learn, I'm a Berean at heart. Those are great things, and part of what makes me, well, me. But during this season, God has really showed me that I can't do ANYTHING while abiding. That's the whole point. (and yes, I do still pick up my Bible each morning, but for different reasons)
It's hard, but in the midst of pruning, a love like no other time shows through. A protection and trust is shown while all the things that have become dead and fruitless are cut away.

I've also learned that in the pruning time, if you try and produce fruit...it will whither away...rather quickly. I'm not meant to produce anything at this time...such revolutionary thinking in this American-Christian society.

So, my posts may be rather bland, one sided and well...less "Courtney"...but what my prayer that you see now, is My Love. He is who should shine through, for you see, there is not much of me now, I'm being pruned.

Peace be with you.

Story

2010-04-11T17:06:00.000-04:00

I know, it's been almost a month...really...how did that happen? I write this post, a little fevered, a lot feeling really ill and mostly dumbfounded.

In the past 24 hours I have read two books on genocide. People who know me well, will smirk a little at this. Yes, I submerge myself and can read books quickly when I want too...and yes, tragedy is my favorite genre, and if it is a TRUE tragedy, I eat it up. These two genocides are 40 years apart from each other, on different continents, written by two people who are nothing alike...and yet, the similarities are frightening. The first is the book Night by Elie Wiesel which is his first hand account of the Nazi takeover. Being shuffled from camp to camp, in his shockingly refreshing honesty (much like Manning's) it drags you through the stench of emotion that we dare not even imagine.
The second is Left to Tell by Immaculee Ilibagiza...words cannot describe this book. This heroic woman recounts the life she LIVED during the Rwandan holocaust...to say she is a hero of mine, is an understatement. The cursor blinks as I think of words to type...

So in the midst of these two books about God, questions, humanity and evil...I found my worldview once again being opened. As I sit and realise that we all have stories, issues and tragedy...I see the questions that these people asked in thier situations that I couldn't even point pictures too at times, the very same as mine as I seek God's counsel about daily situations. Lies are lies. The devil only has that trick...fear, doubt, irrational thinking...it's all about lies. Whether it's a lie that a certain people group is inferior to you and God would rather them be dead or that You aren't worth loving and no one really likes you. We all fall prey to the lies...

What is even more exceptional is that freedom in all these situations is also found in the hope of the truth. How these two people found hope at all is a miracle, but the fact that I find hope is too. I love finding people with scars who are not ashamed of them, realise that God thinks they're beautiful and has shown them a way to use them. Our scars are our stories and our stories change lives. Don't hide your scars, take the oversized sweaters off and surround yourself with people who love you scars and all, and let the world gawk and stare...then someone will be brave enough to ask a question...which in turn you have the opportunity to answer...and thus a conversation is born...

Get these books. Left to Tell is my recommendation if you can only read one. Find courage in their stories...and share your own.

Definitions..

2010-03-16T15:25:00.000-04:00

**sorry for the typos...kids mean a quick type**

let me start by saying that I have set myself up...promises of new and exciting thoughts, well written statements, timely posts...well, motherhood has called and called and now I have shut the door and locked it, and am not answering the calls for a bit. (Literally and figuratively). As well as now wondering if this writing will be worth the fanfare it has been given.
These thoughts are not new, they aren't exciting. If you've been around me this past 6 months you've probably heard them...but it something else to put it in writting. To stake claim in them and allow the scrutiny and questions to flow. I am there. Tired of candy coating and not stepping on toes. This is where I have landed.

Again, if you are any part of my life, you are aware of lots of changes. Changes at Wayfarer, changes at church, changes in our personal lives (this shockingly isn't the major catalyst). And the awkwardness of it all is that it is so intricately interwound that it gets blurry, grey, and well mis represented at times. This is not about that persay, but about me voiceing where I stand on an issue that seems to be all a buzz and all over. Healing...(again it isn't such a different topic if you are in the daily ins and outs).

Healing is part of my spiritual DNA. I was raised to believe in it, taught to know it and led to expect it. I have seen all of these things come to pass too. People healed, released, filled and overflow. I also know that it can be done apart from God, for things other than God's Glory and by manipulative people. But as the pendulum has swung back and forth, it has landed in what I have come to accept as center, for me at least.

All of this came about as I have wrestled to answer questions of others as well as my own, on my thoughts of a movement of the Holy Spirit that is, without question, here in G'ville. So, as I sing and pray and whisper the same words as people around me: "I believe that you're my healer...nothing is impossible for you..." I can't help but wonder if we are singing the same thing. Bold I know, I'm willing to be alone on this...

I have come to realize that as I do believe and know and expect healing, the definition may be different. See for some, I believe healing is defined as deliverance. God ridding our lives, cities and circumstances of anything other that what He. Yet, I have come to find that the character of God (through Jesus) is one that doesn't promise that, in fact at times promises the opposite. I believe that healing is defined as deliverance and/or redemption. We don't know why deliverance may or may not come to us...but redemption is ALWAYS promised. If we pray "healing" over people and only use language that elludes too deliverance, what are people to do if the deliverance never comes. Where do they land? What is their faith in?

On that subject, I am currently digging into Faith and Healing...Jesus says by your Faith you have been healed ( and other times, the person had nothing to do with it. He just wanted to prove something (see Him healing on the Sabbath)). But faith in what? Faith that He could heal them, or Faith that He was the Son of God? Really digging into that one.

So again, I know this isn't crazy or out there or awe inspiring, but I felt as though I needed to say it...more so type it. I stand on the side of Healing...but my definition is much broader than you may think.

Proud Mama...

2010-02-18T10:42:00.000-05:00

Yesterday we decided to include the whole family. We decided to take a step of faith and let the older boys accompany us to Ash Wednesday service and see how they would recieve it. We also decided to invite them to fast from something for Lent. Of course the initial responses were quite, well...amusing.
Logan-"Meat, no, any food but vegetables...yeah and only water to drink"
Eli-"Broccoli...and save all my vegetables for 5 days and give it to people who don't have any"
Brennan-"School..."
Millie-"Where's my Paci?"

So, as good discerning parents we told them to pray about it during service and listen to what the Lord was telling them to give up. Remember it's 40 days, and it's a sacrifice.

So after they did a great job during service, and complained a little about how strong the wine was and compared ashes on their foreheads, we told them to let us know when we tucked them into bed what they heard the Lord ask them to give up.

Logan...Sweets. After David explained that's all candy and Ice Cream, he teared up a little and said okay, he'd do his best.

Brennan...DS. He told us that he knew it would be hard, but he'd try.

Eli...still Broccoli (he doesn't eat Broccoli by the way, so as I told Rhodes, you can only give up something you'd been doing prior) We'll search that a little more today.

I am so proud. David said as we went to bed last night "we've done a good job with them". I'm not saying this to brag, but every now and then in the midst of the chaos and feeling failures and that our kids are going to end up in Juvey, God gives us moments of the big picture. Moments their hearts shine through and their character shows. As parents we need that, we need to give our kids more opportunites to show that.

Isaiah 58:1-12 was one of the readings last night and the crux of Father Rob's message. It was wonderful and freeing and enlightening. Read it, if you are celebrating Lent or fasting at any point, it's so good.

We are also following Mars Hill's Lenten calendar as a family, and it is so good too. The theme of it is Fasting-from and Living-to...the two are meant to go together...so good.

So as a proud mother and gracious child, I encourage you today, to live well.
Peace be with you.

Heartbeat...

2010-02-17T14:28:00.000-05:00

Pulse...rhythm...movement...

Ups and downs...unsure...never knowing the "for sure"

All of these words, are, in some way, encompassing our lives right now. It's exhausting, it's faith building, it's stressful and it's life.

Literally, life. David came home yesterday and said that it was an "up and down day". I said "Good, that means there was movement". When the movement stops...you flatline...no life.

Sometimes we wish we could live on the mountain tops, sometimes, we feel that we can show our gifts best in the valleys, but without both, we're stagnent.

Movement...hearbeat...life.

Dig in!

2010-02-03T14:50:00.000-05:00

That has so many meanings for me right now!!
1.) It means that I am eating some pretty "salted" words that I claimed a little less than a year ago.
2.) It means that I need to stop complaining and just do it
3.) It literally means "dig my heels in"

Sigh...so a few weeks ago, the night of the Earthquake, Kim's birthday and an emotional bonding moment...I agreed to run, with my friends. The 4 of us (Reichley and Rhodes clan) promised to run the...gulp...wait for it...Spinx Marathon this fall. That's right 26.2. Not only am I running 13.1 AGAIN, i'm doing it AGAIN AND AGAIN!
So, my friends took advantage of me in a vulnerable moment and we made a promise to do something that I really don't want to do, nor do I think it is at all possible! So next week starts my Hal Higgy (thanks Anth) 30 WEEK training program. No, don't worry, I won't peak out too early, it starts at 1.5 miles. So, I think I'm safe.
Yes, I'm about to throw up just typing about it.
Digging in...

Moving

2010-01-27T08:46:00.000-05:00

I've been accused before, of needing to live in chaos. Of moving from tragedy to tragedy, my own or someone elses. These were right accusations. I have learned how to function best in the midst of calamity. I know the God of that, my strengths shine brightest in that, I am COMFORTABLE in that. It gives me a sense of meaning, of achievement, of fulfilling my passions and well, keeps my mind working.

Now, this isn't all bad, if I may expound on the positive points for a few, it's a bit theraputic. There is something ingrained in us Taggarts to get something done. When someone has a need, we do what we can. And if there is something we can do, we do it...and then some. We were raised well, and this something that I proudly share with my brother, sister and parents. Because I know God inthis "season" I trust God in this season. This is the foundation for it all.

But, because of the positives, and they are good, I have a tendancy to jump from trial to trial. To try and "live" in the midst of them. I have never been one to run from conflict, but I have realised that I do often run TO it. This isn't healthy, for anyone.

The past 9 months, our family has gone from storm to storm to storm, etc. It's been tough, it's been character building, trust instilling, life changing stuff. But it's been left wide open...all the storms eventually became a tsunami (that's what happens when you cannot or refuse to find closure in something).

But (yes there is a but) as I lay in bed Saturday night, with my exhausted husband in our bed, and little Franklin 5 miles down the road in his bed (or at least on the floor of his room) I had this overwhelming emotion. I couldn't describe it. I tried to my exhausted husband...I just kept saying, that it felt like he had been gone for weeks instead of 15 hours....then it hit me. It was closure. Something I hadn't felt in a long time. It made me realise what it feels like to (as Kim quoted) not just turn a page, but start a new chapter. It was freeing, refreshing and joy inspiring. In a way, Frankie put a seal on the volume of our lives.

I know that closure needs to come for so many other things, but for now, I find rest in the refreshing redemption I have found in this story, being exactly that a story that's moving. Not necessarily moving on, but it's moving. And movement like a BIG morning stretch or a wonderful Yoga class (not that P90X stuff) makes one feel SO good.

All this to say, I'm moving...away from the calamity, and into a season of wholeness. I feel it in my bones, I sense a stirring in my spirit that for the first time in a long time says "rest". Will conflict come...absolutely. Will I search it out, I hope not. But I'm moving..

They found a way.

2010-01-24T07:38:00.000-05:00

It's early, no one is awake in our house. It's dark, it's quiet...it is well. The cursor keeps blinking at me, asking for another word, but none come. Indescribable.

The emotional state, that I'm in cannot be summed up in a word, a look, a feeling. It's a tempest. Raging as conflicting thoughts and emotions swirl.

Frankie's home...still laying in his new bed or maybe, even better, between two people,he calls Mama and Daddy.

Their story, will unfold in the next few days, via news casts, blogs, spoken word. But the impact, on me, is just beginning.

Frankie's home. But all of them aren't.

David and the Rhodeses told me about a family that was at the airport in Florida to pick up one of their daughters, a baby girl named Amelia. But their other daughter, the older Naomi...she didn't make it through.
Jason, her father, is trying to get over to Haiti to find a way to bring her home too.My heart is crying out for them...and so many others. It's hard, the overwhelming joy of a homecoming, and the heartbreak that your daughter is still over there. We'll find a way.

But Dave and Kim...they found a way. Frankie's Home.

I believe...

2010-01-20T07:44:00.000-05:00

...nothing is impossible for You.
...You hear our cry.
...You are holding the world right now.
...You are holding Frankie right now.
...You are about to lift Kim and Dave out of their own strength.
...You are protecting Emma and Izzie.
...You want Frankie home.
...You will show yourself greatly.
...You already have.
...You care,love and hold us.

Prayer is not our only option it's our best option.

Peace be with you.

Truth...

2010-01-12T10:02:00.000-05:00

...I'm hungry for it, I believe there is Freedom in knowing it, we need more of it, can be manipulated.

These past 9 months, have been tough, on levels I've never cared to know, in ways that I thought I could handle and with people I never would have imagined. But, I'm here, I'm not only breathing and here, but I'm better and here. Struggles, have caused me to seek out Truth. Caused me to look deeper and find what I know to be true.

That is not an out of character thing for me. I'm a recovering Cynic. God has redeemed that side of me and made me realise that I am a Berean. (Revelation 2) He is using my questioning to find Him. So in the midst of the struggles and times of being uncomfortable, I have learned to rejoice, I thank the Lord for these struggles, because they have led me to Him, to finding Him in places, on my own, not because others say He is there or isn't there. I have learned to Trust my savior who lives in me, MY guide, The Spirit which lives in me. He speaks to me, loud and clear, and other times challenges my thinking, but always says He loves me. No matter how long this will take. And other times, He's silent..."go and find out" He says, so I do. I remember my mom, if I would ask an obscure question, which I did a lot..."Go look it up" she'd say, without even turning around. So I trekked upstairs to our Encyclopedia Britannica collection and looked it up and learned, at my own pace.

So God is teaching me, the same way my parents did, because He's knows how I learn. funny. And He has brought to me one of the best teachings that so greatly articulate the frustration and desire within me. When the energy inside me can't find words to point out what is missing, this man did. God has crossed my (and my family's) path with his at an exact moment for an exact thing. (It doesn't help these men are British, I'm just saying...God knows me and has a wicked good sense of humour!) 3DMinistries.org...is changing how David and I think and speak and has given us a confidence that is truly from the Lord. Mike Breen gave a message on Healing that...well, you just need to listen. It articulates a yearning inside me for the whole story, for both sides of the coin...You can believe in Healing and the move of the Spirit and still Find God when it doesn't happen...and maybe, even more so!

I urge you to listen, to listen and listen again. Find Truth in it and search it out for yourself. God is moving...yes He is. I'm not missing it.

http://www.northlondonvineyard.com/Media/Player.aspx?media_id=28119&file_id=30483

Burning...

2010-01-11T09:55:00.000-05:00

"...I'm Burning, and I know I'm gonna blister in these flames. But I'll stay here, until this smoke clears, and you find me in the ashes that remain"

I feel as though, this blog is a Debbie Downer at times. I'm really not depressed, just aware...curiously aware. Last night at a fun little social, we passed around Table Topics. David's question was "Do you tend to speak Kindly or Honestly" of course David answered with his honesty that is so uniquely beautiful and said "Kindly" those who knew me, looked my direction and we laughed as I said "Yes, and I speak honestly" So that is what this is honesty, hopefully, as I grow in love, with Kindness too.

So, at this little social, some new and exciting things for Wayfarer were discussed. A new Sunday night Service at the Handlebar. A partnership with people that can fill in the gaps for what Wayfarer has seemingly lacked in ability to do. And a chance for our family to make new friends...wait, this doesn't look so good to me...

It's tough, moving forward. Feeling like something or someone is missing as you take steps. It doesn't seem right, but you know you must. It seriously makes me nauseaous right now, thinking of doing a new venture and missing 4 people. 4 people, that you never thought these kind of steps would be made without. But it isn't just 4, it's 12! It's looking at our children as their faces get a little older and words get a little wiser and realise that life is moving, not waiting for what you want.

I told David that closing a wound is often more painful than obtaining it. I'm one who likes to huddle around my chaos like "a dog at it's food bowl. 'Mine, get away'" I want to hold onto the pain, anger and hurt, because it means that I can't move on. I can live in this moment and even if it is wrong, they are still with me. Holding onto those emotions makes me feel like time has stopped, like there is still something I can do to change the situation. When I release those emotions, when I let go...I'm closing the wound and letting God heal and saying, there was nothing more I could do. My pride tells me to keep it bleeding, keep trying to fix it, keep feeling.

But today, through tears, I let God stitch those wounds. I will not rip the stitches out, which means I may have a big white plastic hood around my head, so I can't get to them (not literally of course, but if I'm acting out of sorts, picture that). I will move on. Ahead, as painful as it is, knowing that every time I look at the scars, they will ache, I will be tempted to cut them open again, but by God's mercy, may He move my hand gently away and onto something productive.
So to the 4, if you read this. It's not goodbye, it's redefining. It's reshaping the reality that we are now in. And learning to live and love in that reality.

So excuse me, I have a Doctor to see.

I wanna....

2010-01-04T15:10:00.000-05:00

...I wanna, I wanna!!!! (spice girls baby!)

There are so many things I want for this year. To go back to London and take friends with us.(Yeah David, I said it) To have more conversations with my husband. Keep my house cleaner. Hang my clothes up every night. Make my bed every morning. And finish all the other things on my list!

But there is one thing, that I have been trying to do for almost 10 years, and really longer if you look at it a certain way....Love. I was thinking the other night...do I really love anyone? I know that sounds extreme, but I mean, I'm a pretty selfish person, and do I really love anyone more than myself? So I started thinking how would I know? and like the Psalms promise, the words came floating by:
Love is:
-patient
-kind
-not jealous or boastful or proud or rude
-does not demand its own way
-not irritable
-does not keep a record of wrongs
-never glad about someone failing
-rejoices when Truth wins out
-Never gives up
-Never loses faith
-always hopeful
-endures every circumstance
-will last forever

Am I those to the people I say I love? My husband, my kids? Here is what I realize that I have been when I say I love them:
-Conditional
-Easily Angered
-Circumstantially driven
-Expects too much

The list could go on and on, but I don't want to bury myself.
I want to love, as love is truly defined, not what I see the defenition should be. Today I have decided to try a new venture, to love this week. Too love my kids, as Paul says in his letter. Not to yell, not to teach, not to correct...but love. Today, has gone very well. I raised my voice once, and caught myself. Of course there have been moments of discipline or steering, but truly in love. Shocking, I'm happier, my kids are happier, they are behaving and getting along. I need this, they need this. It's time the "expectations" of those around me are set aside. I don't care if you follow baby wise, growing Kids God's way or any other child reering plan. I DON'T CARE! We all do our best, we all fail, but we all love (or at least should). My youngest may not be potty trained and still take a pacifier, my boys may be rowdy and smell like boys sometimes do, but dangit, they will know they are loved.

I will finish that task, before it's too late.

Finish

2009-12-29T13:24:00.000-05:00

New Year, new word.

That's how it has been for 4 years straight. This year...Finish. Not like, I'm from Finland Finish, but to complete what I start.

I have a bad habit of seeing or dreaming up big ideas, and never seeing them through. That is honestly why I went into acting (for those that don't know, I have a degree in Theatre.) I was passionate about a new career every week! So, what is the best thing to do? Go into a field where you can pretend to be whatever you want and then move on...perfect for me, at least.

So, that is what I do. I find something that lights my fancy, for a time, and then I move on. When it gets too hard, or doesn't excite me as much as it did last week or I feel a nudge...

But this year, I want to start only things I plan on finishing. And finishing everything I commit too. So if I say no to you, don't take it personally, just trying to not overload so I can do all things well.

So, I plan on starting and finishing
-my running plan
-my healthy eating plan
-disciplining my children in love, not anger
-monthly date night
-weekly Bible Study
-Daily BCP and Scripture study

and who knows what else. David told me a quote he read on a local pastor's FB page and it is my subtitle for the year.

Desire doesn't change our destiny, discipline does.

May your year be one that you finish...well.

Oh yeah, and the music is new too! Some songs that I like, have liked and make me bop my head! uh,uh...feel it!

What if...

2009-12-14T08:29:00.000-05:00

It's quiet...shocking,at 8:29 am. Millie is usually up and ready to go, but the Lord is giving me what I need...So I write, again, what I need.

As I have been thinking this Advent season, about the journey that Mary took, the logistics of the culture and details of her pregnancy and birth, I am seeing God in new places. Seeing how her trust in him, is more an inspiration to me than I realise.

As a woman, of such young age-I cannot forget, in that culture, the preparations that were made for the birth of a baby. Even if her own parents were disowning her, which I don't know whether they did or not, Elizabeth, she would want to help. She would be Mary's mother. But then, Joseph, deciding to be a man of moral character (which I'm sure made some snicker) agrees to go into Bethlehem for the census. She's in her last month...the ride/walk...and no one goes with them. Did Mary have to tell the women not to come with her? I couldn't have kept my mother away from my kids being born with a stick?! Did they sneak out in the middle of the night? Did they all go, but split up? Regardless, if the women who were set to be with Mary at the birth of her baby were there, no way, any of them would let her give birth in a stable, no way, they would have let her travel!!!

Mary, had enough trust and courage to do it alone. She didn't know what would happen, she didn't know how to do this...she barely knew her husband! How did it all go down? Did Elizabeth teach her what to expect and how to nurse? No La Leche league for her!

What if Mary had asked for what was rightfully hers? She had given up so much...her dignity, the name of her family-which back then...was everything, could she not have a decent birth?

And what if...what if Elizabeth thought too much of John's odd nature? Come on people, you know he always had to be a little off...but if he wasn't, would he have gone, into the wilderness? Maybe the oddities in our children are what God has placed there for them to fulfill? What if she wanted to medicate or analize the strangeness away...what if?

I question a lot and trust little. I am at the point that I recognize that. I am ready to step out except for one thing...what's out there? What else needs to be given up? ALL OF IT. So much that is "rightfully mine" is not promised to me. I believe it, I want to live it.

She lived a life of pain, I know it. How could you not when Jesus is your son? I can only imagine the difficulty. And yet...did she see her Messiah come? Did she know, like we think she did?

Tough thoughts I know, It's quiet now, but a cry is about to shatter the stillness, a cry that rocks the very framework of time, a cry that makes satan swallow hard and crack his knuckles and say "it has begun" (with a fearful arrogance that he actually thinks he has a chance...I think he still does think that...but we know differently) a cry that will be met by it's twin...later, of a much deeper voice, but the match to the cry of life, the cry of death. The quiet is about to be over.

Christmas Wishes!

2009-12-10T12:13:00.000-05:00

Make a Smilebox slideshow

My style...

2009-11-20T10:43:00.001-05:00

I saw this picture and immediately said...."If I could wear anything today, this would be it" In case you wanted a glimpse into my style...once I drop my weight...this is it:

NEW MOON REVIEWS!! (SPOILER ALERT)

2009-11-20T08:44:00.000-05:00

I know this a complete 180 from my previous posts, but thus that statement explains it all.

Twilight...it's so funny all the backlash...I like to call it TwiHaters. They come out of the woodwork at the mention...Questioning faith, fidelity and fantasy...to me, that has nothing to do with it. I think that every person, man or woman, needs to have something to get together with peers, enjoy themselves and have a moment to escape reality. That is the sole purpose behind theatre...thus...my BA. For my husband it is his golf trips, where he can go away with friends he trusts and let his guard down, do something he enjoys at a level that can only be handled twice a year. It refreshes him, reminds him not to take life too seriously and in the same moment that the people he loves are worth fighting for.

For me, Twilight isn't that extreme, but it's fun. Straight up.

Okay, so we went to see the 12:05 movie last night and it was a blast. Only the second opening night I've ever been too. We got into the theatre 2 hours early and got GREAT seats and thanks to Kristen had magazines to read and La'Walker had her DS to keep us busy. A couple things shocked me...how many GUYS were there and how many non-teenagers were there! Loved both of those!

So the movie starts (Pause: Pattinson's new movie Remember Me looks AMAZING! Not what I expected and seems to be a great roll for him) The look, the feel all of it is different...thank goodness. Edward is...wait a minute...he's smiling...a lot...he's laughing! Bella...did you just crack a joke?! This is madness!

Yes, you do have to live through Jacob's wig (which looks 150%better) longer than I would like, but it is worth it to see the supporting characters get much deserved screen time.
It's tough, RPatz does a great job...both he and Stewart aren't nearly as flat as Twilight. Such a refreshing change.

I have to say with ALL the leaks and trailers, the movie still surprised....didn't look anything like what I thought it would and the scenes that I felt I saw the entire thing...was wrong! Hooray!

Oh yeah...the new sparkle and running technique and special effects....SO GOOD!

Don't want to give anymore away, but I truly enjoyed the movie. The ending is not the New Moon ending...but OH My GOsh!!! I love it and I love HOW it directly ends. I wish there was more dedication to she and Alice on the plane, but honestly, this could have been a 4 hour movie.

I walked away and NOT once got annoyed with KStew! Shocking, I know! There is one scene that the entire theatre erupted in laughter...it's not meant to be funny. See if you can figure out which one it is.

Enjoy, would love to hear what you thought...can't wait for Eclipse. Audrina...you were missed...way too much.

...(pt 2)

2009-11-16T15:30:00.001-05:00

God is gracious...when I'm angry He doesn't scold or take me to scripture that says be slow to anger...He holds me...He strokes my hair and sings me a lullaby...He understands and appreciates Righteous Anger.

I need to go further into the drive behind my last post...and the comments that went on it, showed me that I was not Righteous in my Anger, or at least only 1/2 way.

You see the anger towards the perversion not only pertains to the young girl, but to her mother. She, above all others, has her perception of love perverted. She has somewhere along the way, been shown that love is meaningless and intimacy matters to no one. That self, above all else, is the only thing worth protecting, at any cost. That once you mess up, you cannot go back. There are things that are "too bad" for God to forgive, and blood to redeem. She has believed the lie.

She has believed it, been defined by it and therefore passes that identity on to her daughter. My heart burns for the young girl...it breaks for her mother. She had no hope, no love and no truth.

You see, my passion is not only for the victims of sexual exploitation, but for those who feel the necessity to place them there. To rescue children from choices made for them, but to offer hope to their guardians that they are not forgotten, left behind or unable to recieve mercy. There is hope for all...I know that, I believe that...I pray that I live it.

Liberty for all.

...

2009-11-16T11:18:00.001-05:00

I'm crying right now...slowly, painfully,quietly...it is hard to breathe and there is a not in my throat...those of you who know me, know that I cry for to reasons: Anger and for others. This is both.

http://www.greenvilleonline.com/article/20091116/NEWS/911160322/Police-now-searching-for-body-of-missing-N.C.-girl

If you paused to read it, then read on...if not...read it first.

I am truly nauseaous. 5 years old...her own flesh and blood...for men to have sex with. What the hell is wrong? Sorry, language is necessary here. My heart hurts for the children who have no choice, and know nothing different than perversion. It's not just about sex, it's about intimacy and the perversion of the most sacred of relationships. If a child cannot trust her mother...who can she trust?

I am an advocate of redemption...I live it, I believe it is the greatest thing offered to us by our God who loves and desires justice, but offers something better...to be redeemed, in the midst of injustice...but now...right now...I cry out for deliverance...for the Lion of Judah to roar in ANGER over the sick and evil perversion of what it means to love and be loved.

The fire inside me has been lit, fanned, and I can tell getting close to igniting...stand back, unless you are ready to ignite too.

Do justice, Love Mercy, Walk Humbly WITH my God....Micah 6:8

It's the time of year...

2009-11-09T08:24:00.000-05:00

Ah, Johnny Mathis...Evie...Anne Murray. Those are three people that evoke the Christmas spirit within. So hard to believe it is already November, and it is moving along quickly. Pondering whether or not to decorate early this year, we will be gone for Thanksgiving and some of Christmas Vacay too, so I need to get the most out that I can. I do love fall, but when EVERYTHING turns to Christmas, it's hard to still get excited over harvesty stuff.

Aside from that dilemma...a lot going on in the Reichley house. From the bottom up:
*Millie is, well Millie (I think I say that a lot, if you know her, you know why). She turns 3 a month from today. This is the longest I have gone not getting pregnant! Praise the Lord! I am truly about to enter new territory. She is so girlie it is ridiulous...dances and sings (Jesus loves the little children, all the children of my mom-a little narrow sighted still). She is a blast and a pistol in the same moment

*Eli is in pres-school and doing well. He is a sponge, learning everything and retaining it. Crazy. He is addicted to the Science channel and his favorite show is Catch it Keep it. He also loves watching hours of File video on the Nasa channel. Fun. David put training wheels on the a bigger bike last night and he was thrilled...pray people, David is threatening to cut his hair. I KNOW!

*Logan (sigh) Logan. He is honestly the sweetest boy I know. Concerned about the planet, less fortunate and just about everyone. He has raised money for poor people ($15 with a water stand) and organized a trash pick up in our neighborhood. Logan, we have no doubt, will changed the world in a dramatic way. Getting there, is going to be a journey, but it is jaw dropping to look at him and you just KNOW that God has something very unique in store for him.

*Brennan is adjusting to 3rd grade. So am I. Lot's more work and grading. He made the honor roll this nine weeks and is doing well. Some behavioral stuff, but so far pretty good. Brennan is an enigma to me. I am trying to figure him out everyday. What makes him tick, and what does he want to do with himself and how to culitvate that...I'm tired just writing it. He is amazing though and we are working on harnessing all that knowledge.

*I am living in groundhogs day! Same thing day in and day out...I am trying to do it with purpose though and with passion. God has reignited several passions in me that have been dormant for a few months: teaching, Garden of Hope, pursuit of justice...he's also given me a few new ones, like hopefully going back to school. David looks at me cross-eyed whenever I say that. But if God wants it, He'll make a way.

*David...wow, do you have an hour? So much, and I have never been more proud of the man that he is. One of integrity and goodness. He has the fruit of the spirit evident in his daily life, and I am inspired. It is possible to carry what seems to be the weight of the world, with grace, dignity and elegance. All the while juggling life. Pray for him if you get a chance, that he will continue to be the man God enabled Him to be in the midst of storms and stress and doubt.

So that about does it for my random post. I hope you are all doing well, and are blessed to laugh with your Abba today. He likes you...a lot!

Healing

2009-11-03T15:00:00.000-05:00

David found this on a catalyst blog today, I love him for knowing me so well, for knowing that Dan Allender knows my heart without knowing me and puts words to thought I haven't known yet. Be blessed...

100 Words by Dan Allender

Dr. Dan B. Allender serves as Professor of Counseling at Mars Hill Graduate School. He travels and speaks extensively to present his unique perspective on sexual abuse recovery, love & forgiveness. He is the author of The Wounded Heart and Leading With A Limp.

Healing

Healing is found in seizing the delight generously offered by Jesus for our weary, broken, angry, empty heart. It comes through following the wild goose into the presence of love; it quells the accusations of the evil one so we can hear the relentless invitation to lay our heart before our Beloved. It is in reconciled rest that our deepest burdens call us to come and play for the sake of love. Healing is never merely about our body or heart; it is always the outward movement of love to transform all ground by his holy and irresistible grace.

How have you found healing? Or how has it found you?

[Image via Joshua Longbrake]

Full

2009-11-02T08:49:00.000-05:00

My love tank is pretty full right now. You know how it is one of those things that you don't know it's empty until you have felt it full! That is how I am right now.

my husband has loved on me in the best ways...being present...giving me a present...loving on me when I don't feel well...being himself (the guy in the room everyone enjoys and wants to know). Which makes me feel pretty darn good to be "that" guy's wife...before I would have recoiled into the "I'm not good enough for him and everyone knows it" place. But he knows now to show a little more PDA in settings now...we are growing and I feel loved.

My friends, between having the person you love and love who they make you around, it makes me bubble! David said that I act completely different around Gina. I asked him how and he said "You can tell that you trust her". That is huge! I never thought of it like that, but that is the most important thing for me. A simple thing like letting her cook for me...if you know me, that screams volumes.
Along with that beauty, Kim left me one of the best gifts I have ever gotten. It was something I needed, I wanted, I borrowed and yes I couldn't afford. Neither can she, but she gave it anyway. I love her for telling me in my note the reasons why I can't argue or question her for doing it. Basically just shut up and take it!!!
Then cheering Wendy and Kim on Saturday morning. David and I LOVE the race environment, enough that we feel the need to stay involved with it. Enough that I have convinced myself that I somehow AM a runner?! Not really, but it was great to see them kick it in!

My God. He is ever present with me. He has let me know in some of the most beautiful ways, ways that I appreciate and value...words. He speaks to me and laughs with me and dances for me when I squawk out a song for Him. I love Him...He knows that. He loves me...I know it too.

So this is why I am full today...my family will reap the benefits of it as I hug my children a little closer...am willing to work with Millie on her screaming and attitude...and begin to fill my husband's love tank with a clean house and dinner.

Without love...it doesn't mean a thing.

It started with one...

2009-10-27T09:40:00.000-04:00

Let this get you going today...1 person...taught 20,000 NORMAL people...how to make an impact

Be part of something great!
Mazal Tov

(thanks for the tip Rhodes')

Perspective...

2009-10-15T14:39:00.000-04:00

It all becomes a little clearer when you take a look around...

...Admission of an affair that will change the life of you and your children

...the news that you have 1 year to live

...the news that your child has a mass in the center of his brain

...belief that only the good and popular people get their prayers answered

all of these things have happened to people that my family and I care about.

It makes one silent...

Think Love, Think!

2009-10-08T08:44:00.000-04:00

In High school, there was a teacher that would bring one phrase to mind..."Think Love, Think" Ms. Mcmurtry! She had that phrase hanging all over her classroom. A little brash and truly a teacher who wanted her students to learn...in the old school way, she encouraged (or threatened) students to not be spoon fed but to think it through.

Well I heard her voice echoing in my head yesterday as I turned the clippers on...I ignored it.

I just wanted to trim Brennan's hair up, it was a mop. Well, now he is headed for the Citadel. He wanted to KILL me. It is short, and the kids looks great with whatever haircut, but his hair has been long for a year and he wants to grow it out. It was beginning to curl in the back, so he was super excited...but I thought it was out of control.

His brothers did the best job of encouraging him, "you look so cool" -Logan
"I'll play with you Brennan, I'll be your only friend."-Eli
They all went and wore hats together and just were good brothers. Of course I took them to McDonalds and got them whatever they wanted AND a sundae, followed by renting a movie on a school night. I don't think that taught Brennan anything, but he forgave me and loved me again!! It's all about me right?!

So no, I didn't think...in fact, I convince myself that I went to the Horst Academy (Aveda headquarters) and that people should be begging me to cut their hair...

...yeah...not so much.

Retreat

2009-10-05T18:49:00.000-04:00

It is a dreary day. Most people get depressed on days like this. I get energized. I feel like I can breathe deeply and take inventory of what I have...who I have. This is the kind of day, I would grab an umbrella and go shop, window shop, grab a cup of tea and read a book under the awning of a cafe...if I lived where cafe's were in abundance. But instead I do the other rainy day thing. Throw on George Winston, clean, cook and randomly tell my kids how much I love them and what I like about them. Yeah, I'm learning to not make that a rainy day thing.

Today proves that God knows me, knows that I needed to slow down and breathe, think...pray. When I feel isolated, I retreat. I start to slowly back away from people, things and start listening to lies. I have realized this weekend, just how much I have been doing that. Slowly inching backwards, not enough to cause a stir, but enough that some people are starting to notice. Not depressed, not down hearted, just retreating...

So what do I do? Well, God has given me people to make me realizes my vices and now that I realize, it is my job to do something about it. What shall I do? I will take steps back in, slowly, purposefully and intentionally. I will start pulling people back into my circles.

Enjoying the rest of this day, this moment is my favorite moment. Between day and night, closing and opening, beginning and end. The moment of remembering and planning for a new day. I live too often in this moment, it's what I know, it's where my comfort is. But it is also a moment of uncertainty, "did I make the most of today? What will tomorrow bring?" I like to live in questions...in questions, there are no answers and no definates, those scare me...why because I am a control freak and I like to have a say. Working on that too...

So as I pack my things up from retreating and begin to prepare to step out with purpose in steps I look to the Lord for His absolute love to bring me peace, wisdom and discernment. To be intentional in the words and choices I make, just on a daily basis. To protect my heart as I begin to put it out there again...wow that scares me...it's time to get back in the game.

The BEST!!!

2009-09-29T08:36:00.000-04:00

Ahhh...another one down! The weekend that I love and dread and swear to do so much better with next year! Ramblin' Rose!

Yes, it's just a super sprint. Yes, it's a really easy course. Yes, it's all women (almost 1,000 this year!) But it is the BEST! Fun, empowering and a sense of accomplishment like never before.

This year we had 17 ladies. 15 participants and 2 cheerleaders. These women are from 3 different states, ages ranging from 27-54. Can you believe that?!!?!?! They are the best in their class.

We stayed Friday and Saturday at Lake Norman at a wonderful lake house. Yes, it rained, but it didn't stop us from getting in the hot tub and encouraged us to stay in our jammies and light a roaring fire (thanks Scout Wendy!!). It was truly a relaxing weekend. The best!

The food...my mom prepared dinner, baked banana bread and sent High Heel Sugar cookies. I don't need to say much about my mom's food (we all know it is the best) but she is the bestest!

Cheerleaders! For you to come get up early and wait around as people swim/bike/run...that is awesome. For you to do it when you are 3 weeks away from having a baby, while it is drizzling and you are taking care of your friends 6 week old! THE BEST!!!!

Speaking of, I have the most amazing family ever. As we are sitting there waiting for Kim and Me Mi to get into the pool (who btw, did awesome!!) K.Trone says "that looks like Courtney's dad" wendy replies" that IS Courtney's dad!" NO WAY!!!! My dad, mom, Steph's kids and David and our kids come prancing in, posters in hand and smiles on their faces!! A total surprise and so what I needed. Amazingly, amazing. I love you all and don't deserve you.

The best of our group...Lauren Beckner. I know, we aren't here to compete, but let's just think people...this warrior of a lady finished in the top 100...and she had her 6 WEEK OLD THERE. (She nursed while we were setting up our transition areas)...and...SHE HAD A C-SECTION! I know...we don't even compare ourselves to her when we are training...league of her own. So proud to have her part of our team...humbly the best!

The only way this can get better...is if YOU come and do this with us....as I say every year, if I can do it...trust me, You can too. You are the BEST!!!!

I'm sorry...what was I thinking??

2009-09-24T14:21:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow...

Tomorrow marks the beginning of a weekend that is going to be filled. Filled with fun, girl time, new friends, old friends, LOTS of catching up, laughter to tears and so much more.

All of that will be followed by nerves, tears, tears, hopefully no throwing up or peeing my pants.

It is the 3rd annual Ramblin' Rose Triathlon. This year we have decided to make a weekend of it and get a lake house on Lake Norman. There are 17 ladies this year from 3 different states and all walks of life. It has been a whirlwind to plan housing, meals and the BEST Gift bags ever!!!

In the midst of all this, it hit me today...I am so NOT READY FOR THIS THING!!!! I haven't trained enough and I don't have the excuse of being super sick this year. Why, oh why do I agree to do these things.

I will wear my markings for as long as I can, avoiding the soap that will wash them off. I will wear my SWEET t-shirt with pride and not be embarassed of the concert -t mentality. I will place my sticker for all to see on my van, no matter how dorky all my stickers look and pale in comparison to David's accomplishments.

I SHALL STAND TALL AND LIMP WITH PRIDE...FOR I AM...A TRIATHLETE!!!

Lemons and Lemonade

2009-09-14T09:16:00.000-04:00

So life has handed us some lemons. Some being "hand-picked", others just put into our basket. So we are left, making decisions that leave our children crying at times (don't worry, nothing life shattering, just evaluating needs and wants) some leaving me crying(Lemon's usually do that to people), and all requiring a lot of Trust. Yeah, the BIG issue of my life. But I am getting clarity on it.

I truly know and believe that I trust in my God. But, do I trust myself? Do I trust that I am making the best decisions, or is David making the best decisions for our family? Not really. Do I trust that I/we won't mess things up big time? Not really. Do I trust that I am worthy of being called out of the boat? Now we are getting somewhere.

I wrote a post on this about a year ago, but God is pushing it in front of my face. Chris Brooks (because I am not permitted to call him Brooks!) did a talk some time ago about Peter getting out of the boat and walking on the water. It is clearly stated that he began to sink because of doubt, but doubt in who? Jesus called him out on the water and love able Peter went without thinking it through (at Wayfarer we like to call that "Go before Know") That is why we love him, reckless abandon. But as he began to think, or hear lies, he began to doubt. Did he doubt that Jesus could keep him afloat, or did he doubt in his worthiness to be called out of the boat for such an amazing task?
I have heard it said A LOT about Peter taking his eyes of Jesus and just keep our eyes on Him and we will not sink (which I don't think is necessarily correct) but what hits me about it, is that Jesus didn't let him sink. He BEGAN to sink, but Jesus grabbed his hand pulled him up and tossed him in the boat.
It's a partnership, I have a part in it and for me to be effective, I need to find that "part" (which I have) and believe that I am worthy, as worthy as everyone else, to act that out. And when I begin to sink because of doubt, which I will, He'll pull me up, toss me in the boat for a bit, and call me back out again. Why, because He is good and He has faith in me and He loves me when I can't look Him in the face.

So Lemonade...I don't know, maybe a Lemon Pie or Garlic Lemon Pasta, but we'll do something with these lemons. and it will be great...

New Read

2009-09-01T09:39:00.000-04:00

First let me say that I type this with a batman mask on and little "millie fingers" poking me in the eye. Why, you ask...because I'm a mom, and mom's have to do some silly things sometimes. So excuse the typos.

I am reading a book that is refreshingly rocking my world. Refreshing, because it isn't smacking me in the face, stopping me in my tracks or anything like that. But it is taking me back to foundational beliefs that I have and have always had, but refining them.

Forgotten God, by Francis Chan

So good, and Exactly what I need right now. There are parts that, eerily, feel as though were written for me. (addresses Greenville!) Chock full of scripture and not opinion, calling you to step away from the book, again and again and get into the Word and communion with God. Just good, good stuff.

Be Blessed. Batman...out.

Cooped Up.

2009-08-28T10:27:00.001-04:00

I have been struggling with a nasty illnes for about a week now. So, I am staying cooped up and am getting close to cabin fever. I need to go out today, only to get a load of lysol and pick Eli up from school. You know how you start to just think about all the germs floating around, don't do that, it's depressing. So I am just earnestly praying my family doesn't get it. If they don't, God gets ALL the glory, because it will be a miracle. If they do, He gets glory anyway.

So, as my head is floating and my eyes are blurry, I have nothing witty, creative or thought provoking to say...nor do I have the energy to copy a page out of a Brennan Manning book (even though I could everyday and it would revolutionize your and my thinking).

So, back to bed I go for another hour until I can grab that Lysol.

Excerpt from The Furious Longing of God

2009-08-20T11:58:00.000-04:00

"And then a moment in Jesus' life that is more shrouded in mystery, denser with misunderstanding and incomprehensibility than perhaps any other.
Jesus, the eternally beloved Son of the Father, is abandoned by His Abba. Sin appears to have its way over the entire world. For the first time since He was an infant, Jesus feels Himself to be without the sustaining presence of His Abba, and inner bleakness of forsaken aloneness in the desolation of abandonment.
In a scream that surely split the sky:
My God, My Abba. Why, Why Have You Forsaken Me Now?

St. John of the Cross said it will never ever be given to any human heart to understand the depth of desolation, utter abandonment, indescribable, loneliness and complete forsakenness that lay behind Jesus' cry. But even in that cry, there is no indication that Jesus ever lost trust or hope or confidence in His Abba.

After 35 years of praying over the passion and death narratives in Luke's gospel, French biblical scholar Pierre Benoit believed that the Abba of Jesus spoke to His Son as He hung naked, nailed to the wood with spit dripping down His face, His body bathed in blood. And Benoit believes the words Abba spoke were words from the Hebrew Scriptures, Song of Songs 2:10-14

Come now, my love. My lovely one.
Come.

For You, the winter has passed
the snows are over and gone
The flowers appear in the land,
the season of joyful songs has come.

The cooing of the turtledove is heard in our land

Come now, my love. My lovely on.
Come. "

-Brennan Manning

so good.

2009-08-13T14:45:00.001-04:00

I am sitting...all is quiet...so I type.

Hmmm...what shall I type about, there is SO much swirling in my head, I mean so much. Ah yes, just picked a thought to land on.

This past week our church has been having a series of worship services in the evening. They were really,really great. Can I be honest, without people jumping all over me (spiritually that is? I felt very oppressed when I went in. It makes sense, I mean, Satan doesn't stay out of churches, and I tried to make a conscious "cleansing" effort each night. I am not saying that the Lord wasn't there, because He was, but just putting it out there. I really have just thought of this as I have begun typing...so random.

ANYWAY, that is not what I wanted to write about, but it sets the stage. Tuesday, a friend prayed for me that God would come to me with joy. I nodded in agreement and then flinched a little. Am I not joyful? Well, I would never say that people think that of me, or I of myself. So I started looking at people who approached me.
-Yep, I would say she's joyful
-oh, absolutely joyful, always with a smile and a compliment, heartfelt at that.
-Oh my, yes she bubbles over with joy, not happiness, true joy.

Man, I want to be joyful.

Anytime people are asked what they think of me, the words that come out are honest, truthful...not happy,joyful,full of life. What happened to me along the way? I used to be able to say I was a happy person, now, I'm an honest person? YIKES!

Audretta told me a few days ago about a sermon her pastor gave, about the fruit of gentleness. In it he said that this is a fruit of the spirit, available to everyone, it's not a gift that some have and others don't. WHAM! That hit me. I use that excuse all the time, for most of the fruits.
-Patience, is not something I possess (um, it should be)
-I am not a person of gentleness (whose fault is that)

I realize that I do not evoke most fruits of the spirit. Gosh, is that humbling. So, for the next, however long it takes, I am going to yearn to possess and express those fruits.

Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, goodness, gentleness,faithfulness and self-control. I am commanded to live those out, as they are already given to me.

So good when God hits you where it hurts.

raw

2009-08-04T16:35:00.000-04:00

I wishing I were talking about my diet. I would love to be able to eat raw, all the time...but alas, lack of discipline and funding, and house full or kids raised on hot dogs and chicken nuggets, leaves me here.

So, by raw, I mean myself.

I feel stripped down, to my core, my soul. I have been broken, empty, overwhelmed and worn out, but this is different. I have nothing left, and yet, I am beginning to be filled.

It all started in April, when the Brooks family dropped the bomb, the Mother bomb...they were leaving. (cursor, just sitting and blinking as I think...it still stings). It has all worked out for the good of them that love the Lord, but it is still painful, that dull pain that is constant and everywhere. Today on the phone, it sharpened as I realized how much I miss my friend. It THROBS, when Eli daily asks for Simon to come over, or how he is saving half of his cookie for Simon. It hurts. I don't want it to go away though, it reminds me how much they mean to our family and how much I love and am loved.

But pair that with other circumstances in our life right now...and I am raw. But have realized so much in the past few days. As I lay face down before the Lord, seeking direction for myself and others, I have noticed that my soul is speaking, not me. My soul that longs for it's creator and knows more than I know, or ever thought I knew. My soul that has seen my God...not my spirit or my gut...but my soul. Enveloped and inhabited by the Spirit of a living God, it is ministering to me.

When my mind, my gut, my heart; have nothing left...all is quiet.

My soul begins to sing, a song of knowing, a song of trusting...a song of love that it has experienced.

I am raw, but I am not defeated.

More than meets the eye.

2009-07-30T10:38:00.001-04:00

THANK YOU! To all of you that encouraged me with comments, facebook messages and personal words. My last post was just a vent, but proved to be so much more. Thank you, again.

So, on to what that post was originally supposed to be. A call to arms (at least for me)
While at my parents, I watched only a couple of movies...a few times each. Transformers(1st) and Prince Caspian. I walked away each time, just filled with...adrenaline. I love a good action movie...a GOOD action movie. But these two movies, stirred something, in my soul.

There is a point in Transformers where Shia and Megan (blech) are standing in front of Bumblebee (my favorite) after he reveals who he is to them and transforms back into a car. He opens his door and Megan Fox rants about not wanting to get into the car after just seeing what it is. Shia replies (something like)

"50 years from now, do you want to wonder what would have happened if you had got into the car?"

YES! That sets it all into motion...the fight.

Caspian, the end of the movie just makes my soul want to just jump out of my body, for real. It is like something in me knows the power behind those images and knows which side I am on (BTW, I LOVE the part when the river throws back his hair, so beautiful!) But the faces of the men (on both sides of the battle) looking at Lucy on the other side of the bridge. She should be afraid, she should be a little scared. Then Aslan walks up...

All of these images re-birthed inside of me the desire at the core of us all (or should be) to fight for something greater than ourselves. Whether or not I make it out alive isn't the point, the point is I am engaging in it. What is I never "get in the car" what will I miss...I think a lot.

Read the story of Jonathan and his Armor Bearer (1 Samuel 14) and see what it means to get in the car. I want to be about more than what is seen...

Grow up.

2009-07-19T23:02:00.000-04:00

I am in PA...excited to reconnect with some long-since friends...makes me realize that there are several people in this world, who knew me well and accepted me, and dare I say liked me...even before I knew that was what they were doing. I miss them...I miss a lot of people, that I never thought I would. I realize that when I go on Facebook. I wish I could sit down and REALLY chat with people.

I also realize that I still live in High School when I come back here. The same people that would be nice to you, depending on who you were dating or friends with (that particular week) are still the same way.

Exhibit a:
Go to Giant Eagle (the world's best grocery for many reasons) and run into a former classmate. My mom sees her first, I try to dodge (as I am VERY self-conscious about my weight, looks, etc and only have 2 kids with me to blame it on!) but I suck my gut in, walk over and it begins
-Hey, how are you?
-You look great!
-I hear you have...how many?
-Just 4, not what people think...
-Oh, well I have 5, so I understand
-(I am thinking) and you are still a size two with the cutest hair cut ever...I hate you
-(I say) Great to see you.

As this conversation goes on I see her out of the corner of my eye. One of "those" girls I mentioned above. She looks EXACTLY the same and I see her double take me...great, she's checking out my thighs!
I turn to actually smile and wave, when she quickly turns away...I understand...then as I am checking out there she is again, then in the parking lot...by this time. Bitchy me is out! BRING IT!
I see that same smirk I saw at the High and see her get on her cell phone as soon as she gets in her car. As she drives off, she is grinning...I can list the people she called to say
"You will not believe who I saw at Giant Eagle!"

Seriously...as much as you want to fight it...that stuff kills...wounds reopen, doubts and lies flood in. what is wrong with people. Do you realize I graduated...15 years ago! I mean, COME ON! Sadly, there are more people in that category than I would like. It stinks...I'm different, I would have thought they were different...

would have thought they would have taken the chance to grow up and move along.

5 senses

2009-06-28T15:31:00.000-04:00

This month at church, we have been taking part in the One Prayer movement, inviting pastors from all over into our church via pre-recorded message. I usually don't like this, but these have been really good. Today was the last week of this and the message was really good. It was from a pastor in Georgia, Jentezen Franklin.

He wasn't the best speaker, a little old school for my taste, messed up on words/phrases several times...but the content of his message...wow, I really needed that.

He compared the 5 kings that Joshua killed to our 5 senses. In Joshua 10 Joshua pulls the kings out of their caves (bringing them to light) then puts his foot on their necks, tells the people to not be afraid, but courageous, then slays them and hangs them from a tree as a reminder.

Jentezen said how we need to get our feet on the necks of our 5 senses sometimes, and the sense that stuck out to me the most was smell. He said how when the 3 bad *(^es went into the fiery furnace, they came out not even SMELLING like smoke! How often to we go through "fiery" situations and come out smelling like it too, and for how long? I, like Jentezen, don't want to smell like the situations I go through...we all know those people that reek of what ever tragedy has hit their life...I do that too often...but recently have decided that if I claim freedom in Christ, I must live it too. Another way of saying Explained not Defined.

He went on to say that if we are in a situation that stinks or we ourselves are smelling of smoke...light some incense...praise the Lord oh my soul. The priests had to do it after a sacrifice, why shouldn't I. It gets rid of the smell, and not only gets rid of it...replaces is...redemption.

I want to smell of redemption...I want to reek of it. I want to omit the fragrance of one who has been in the fire and comes out unharmed.

Whew...

2009-06-26T20:14:00.000-04:00

So much has happened since I last wrote
*Eli and Millie went up to Mame and Papa J's
*My neice (maddie) and her friend (sydney) stayed with us for a week and some change
*We not only completed Wayfarer Camp, we KNOCKED IT OUT OF THE PARK!
*My kids have grown leaps and bounds in a few weeks.
*I have fallen in love with my husband all over again
*I have been reminded of what it feels like to live as God intended you too.
*I have gained almost all my pre-1/2 marathon weight back
*Brennan is now having a week on his own with my parents
*I am learning how to cope...when I want to fight

Alot of that I will expound on later. If I may brag on camp a little. It was...outstanding, exhausting and inspiring. I LOVED seeing my husband use a passion and gift, every part of it, some for good and some to bring good out of bad. I must say, that I truly believe there is not a more creative, christ-minded group of people as that at Wayfarer. I really believe that. God has brought this group together, for this time, and has blessed them with the ability and prayerfully, humility to do what they do. Hard to explain, never forgotten. Camp did not just come and go, however, it was as Rhodes says "a movement, not a monument". This will never be duplicated, for many reasons, but will propel us into the next phase. I am fastening my seat belt. That's for sure.
It was so great to not only see these kids take the opportunity to be responsible in their lives and faith (and wow, they did) but also my kids. Brennan and Logan were a joy to have there.

So exciting to see life, lived with God, the co-authorship thing, because clearer by the minute.

Surprisingly enjoyable.

2009-06-13T22:24:00.000-04:00

This week was, well, to put it nicely...awful. I think I go ahead and add at least another 3 sessions onto my kids future therapy for this one. However, today has ended up rather well.

David sent me out to do some errands for him today, on my own. That is what I consider retail therapy. Even though I wasn't shopping for myself, I was shopping...without kids. I even got an iced coffee to celebrate...wow. Anyway...

So I get home and David mentions an idea...let's go to Paris Mtn (a state park about 20 min away) and cook out. Ummm...I don't do state parks, or any woodsy thing...(kind of like Bella with cold wet things...you know). I don't know how I survived TMI bootcamp, I really don't. Ask me about this if you need to.

So we go and miss the rain, by about 20 minutes. Make our way in and find a place to set up. We are going to grill and then go to the amphitheater to hear some blues.

Well lo and behold, the rain plan is for the music to be moved into the shelter across the creek. So we had our own shelter, our own field, a stream, woods and now music. It was a wonderful evening. The kids enjoyed, got a long, didn't get into trouble and ate all their food! Grilled corn, steaks, and smores...mmmmmm.

We decided to hike a bit (that means walk through the woods on an almost paved trail!) Of course, what do we see 10 feet in...A SNAKE! It was a baby and more like a worm, but STILL! I freak and am ready to go, Logan is thankful that God let us see a snake, Brennan is following my lead and Eli is looking for it's mom and dad. Oh dear.

We trudged on for a bit and then had to return so we didn't get locked in the park.

It was great, we will be back many times and no, I won't be camping. I must draw the line somewhere.

He does all things well.

2009-06-08T15:15:00.000-04:00

Yesterday at church, we watched a video sermon from a man named Dino Rizzo. Now, I think if David and I were to have one more, his name would be that...Dino Rizzo. So perfectly italian-o!

That is neither here nor there. He spoke on the passage in Mark, when Jesus heals the blind and mute man. When Christ was finished it says that the people couldn't stop talking about it and said "He does all things well." To me, this was evident, in the scripture. One part made it all clear. When he healed the deaf and mute man he began speaking...clearly! Not only did this man regain hearing and the ability to speak, but he was able to speak. Watch any movie on Helen Keller or hear a hearing impaired person speaking and you can understand the awe. Not only that, but he knew words! How does a deaf mute know words????? How does his tongue now how to move or lips for the vowels? How does his voice box and palate know how to resonate? Because God does all things well.

I think when I get to heaven I will find these people, the 2 blind men, this man, the bleeding woman...all who were healed. What was life like after? I have it in my mind, because I too am one that is healed...and life after isn't at all what I expected it to be.

Green and Copper

2009-06-03T15:41:00.000-04:00

Those are the two colors running around my house. I am living my childhood all over again.
Floaties, wet towels, the smell of chlorine, the cutest tan lines ever and the dreaded blonde nightmare...green hair!

It has been one week that we have been going to the pool and already...the green monster! And yes, before you start leaving comments, I know how to get rid of it! had to do it my entire life, until I was old enough to make my own decisions, and at that point, I was living at the beach! (that is a joke people, I made my own decisions before that!)

Poor Eli, it is like I am looking at Kelly Bedillion! Shiny, super blonde, kind of seaweed looking Hair! I know that the next phase is super shiny, chlorine damaged bleachy hair! Millie is just bleaching out and super tan. Logan has too short hair and Brennan and I are in the straw stage. I just laugh and start to gag a little thinking of the tomato juice at the end of the summer. I don't know if they (or I) will be able to handle it.

Speaking of, I remember one year when I had to do the tomato rinse, all my mom had in the house was a bottle of Clamato juice. Oh gosh, so nasty. Burnt my eyes too.

Summer is officially here and if you see some green headed "monsters" walking around town, those are mine! And I LOVE it!

Disclaimer

2009-05-29T12:57:00.000-04:00

Before someone goes and posts a passive aggressive, blanket statement blog post on my previous blog post...let me clarify.

Brag on your kids. I don't do it enough, as I said I fault on the side of not enough. This stems from my childhood. There were "those kids" who would treat you however they wanted, because they knew they could. Their parents thought they could do no wrong, and they knew it. My parents got sick of it and so did I. I don't want to do that, and as I said...to a fault.

It doesn't bother me when parents brag on their kids, it bothers me when they only share the good. I tend to be drawn to mother's who admit that their kids drive them crazy, they aren't perfect and don't know how to deal sometimes. It makes me feel sane, not alone and somewhat normal.

So brag away, and I hope to balance out my venting with praise for my children.

I have to.

2009-05-28T14:56:00.001-04:00

I am sorry, I don't know why this annoys me about other people, it is perfectly acceptable, but for some reason, I get ill about it. I find myself not doing this, to a fault. A HUGE fault. To other people or the people it really matters to. I'm talking about bragging on my kids.

But, today, I can't contain it. I am going to read this to them when I am done typing, and letting them see that it is on my blog for all the world to see!!!!!

Yesterday was Logan's end of the year program and today was Brennan's. They sang a few songs, showed us a picture story of the year. Then we went back to their rooms and they did a student led conference where they walked us through their writing portfolios for the year, their goals for the year in math and reading and their MAP test results (standarized testing). It was so cute, because you can tell that they had practiced for the conference. Logan brought out his writing and stumbled through his presentation:
"Here you can see, um, that at the the beginning of the year, I only drew a picture and wrote the name of it. Now you can see that I write words and use pungtwation."
Then her brought out his test scores. You have to know that with Logan, we fought hard to keep him back in Kindergarten. We didn't think he was ready AT ALL for first grade. Strictly academic. So here are his results
Beginning Reading score-155
Goal to raise 15 points
End Reading score-182

Beginning Math score-165
Goal to raise 15 points
End Math score-186

Rigby reading level went from a 4-12~!!!!!!!
He surprised, surpassed and impressed his teacher and David and I. Keep shocking up Logan!!

Brennan had his conference today. Same details as Logan. Brennan has tested for the gifted program and is even a teacher's helper, so we have always known that he is a smart little guy, I guess we just had never seen numbers

For the testing and average second grader is at a 179 at the beginning of the year and a 190 at the end, for both math and reading. Here are Brennan's results:

Beginning Reading Score-190
Grow 10 points
End Reading score-210

Beginning Math Score-194
Grow 11 points
End Reading Score-212

So as you can see he surpassed as well.

I have no idea what other kids scores were in the class, and neither do they! That is the way it should be! They set the goals and they beat them! I love my boys, I don't show them enough, but I am BLOWN AWAY at how they grow and learn and hunger after knowledge. I pray I continue to create enviroments where they can creatively do that.

So here are two boys, who spent the first few years of their lives watched by someone else, in a home that was not their own while I worked. Went to 1 year of pre-school and are now in public school. They are thriving, excelling and exceeding even their own expectations! Way to buck the status quo boys! Keep it, for the lifetime to come!

Take my breath away.

2009-05-27T21:51:00.000-04:00

Has it ever happened to you?

You see him out of the corner of your eye. You know you shouldn't look, but you must, just one little glimpse. Before you know it, you can't pull yourself away, you have to remind yourself to breathe. His beauty, just his very presence is enough to leave you breathless, speechless...

If it's so wrong why does it feel so right? He will never be mine, but maybe...no, I shouldn't. I know it's wrong, I should leave now. But David, understands. I know it is lust and I know it is wrong, but isn't there room for him in my life.

That happened today, when I stumbled upon pictures of him. My heart literally skipped a beat. Him, just setting there...waiting for me. We are a perfect fit, just waiting to be matched. Someday...maybe just. Do you have the same reaction?

Oh Christian Louboutin, why do you taunt me so? Is it so wrong to want you more than I should? Someday, those 8 1/2 stilettos and I will be making our way into the night...

Hmmmm

2009-05-27T09:31:00.000-04:00

Trying to decide which that to write about first...do I go:
-Instrospective
-Opinion-etive
-mother-etive
-shooting-off-at-the-mouth-etive

I will need to think on that. For now I am off to the gym to get my workout on. Joy.

Monday on steroids.

2009-05-26T09:35:00.000-04:00

I heard a dj on the radio this morning, say that the Tuesday after a long weekend is like a Monday on steroids. I agree.
I could see it in David's face this morning. The week is already one day short, but the same amount of stuff needs to get done.
I could see it in my kids as it is taking a little longer for them to "get going' this morning.
I can feel it in myself when a "latte lite" hasn't even lifted the fog. I downed it in like 2 minutes too, I guess I thought that would speed it up?!
Still can't see straight though.

This wasn't just a normal weekend for us though. David and his golfing buddy's went down to Daniel Island to live the life and pretend they were members at a new inclusive golf club. (Thanks Johnson for feeding the fantasy!) I was at home having one of the toughest "mom" days that I have had...in a while if not thus far. That was thankfully followed by a good girls night at my neighbors house as we had a surprise birthday shindig for another neighbor. We had good food, played a little game of Operation and watched the best videos from the 80's A-Z on VH1.

Then Saturday. We had our "intimate" circle over to celebrate our 10 year anniversary. Again! It was wonderful. David surprised me by popping in our wedding video, and our friends surprised us with writing us beautiful letters and getting us a door knocker engraved with our name. It was so ,wonderful.

Sunday.
After church I hosted my first ever Gold Party. It was not well attended, but the people that came walked away with cash. From $54 for a chain to $180 for a handful. It is so worth it, and I got a piece of the commision! Let me know if you want to have one! That followed by a fun night of community group with Kickball and a Sundae Bar! David and I watched Australia way too late into the night. It was worth it thought, much better than i expected.

Monday.
The kids slept in...a little. First visit to the pool. Millie did great! The boys loved it, and mom forgot to put sunscreen on them. First visit, come on! It was overcast too, I should know better. (I was layering on the Aloe before bed...I know, I know!) Then an impromptu cookout with the cul-de-sac. Cornhole, Connect Four...good times! Have I mentioned we have the best cul-de-sac EVER?!

So now we are on Tuesday. Wow, where has the week gone? K-4 meeting at school, millie singing to me as I type and Eli and Elephant snuggled in close. I may get back in my PJ's and we may lay in bed all day. My kind of Monday!...I mean Tuesday.

The week...

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...that seems to go on and on.

Baseball. Let me be more specific...D5 baseball. Every year, I ask David WHY, oh WHY did we sign Logan up for this? Our lives are not capable of handling this right now. This week we have 3 games and practice. He is 6, I have 3 other kids, it is not a good combo. The worst part is that David and I can't both be at the games. We just can't take the kids out there, especially Millie. And no, it isn't like it was when we were kids and "grew up" at the fields, times have changed and people have changed. It isn't what it used to be.

Meetings. How do I not work and still have meetings? I really can't complain about this, I enjoy it. Conversation, maybe coffee, brainstorming! I enjoy all of those things. All of my meetings have to do with creativity and worship, so I am SUPER excited about that. Just fitting them into the baseball schedule is a bit tricky.

Gold Party. Having a gold party Sunday, come over if you can, this is not so stressful. Make a few apps, and sit back and let my friends make money. Who thought of this stuff? Thanks though!

Anniversary. Thursday is David and my actual 10 year anniversary. Oh, how I wish we were back in London. Seriously feel, almost...homesick. I would love to insert every part of our lives into that city. Kids, marriage, work, church, all of it. Maybe someday.

Crazy week, but the fog is starting to lift and the coffee is almost done. I could be going stir crazy and wishing for something to do. For now, I will clean the kitchen, get Millie dressed (Eli's already dressed) and get the day going.

Deep breathe....(inhale) Abba...(exhale) I belong to you...repeat...

Rainy Days and Saturdays.

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Thanks to all of you who have continued to follow me over here on blogger. I hope this is a good transition.

So, I am sitting here on a Saturday mid-morning, while David has Eli at a birthday party, Logan is taking care of Millie (covering her with a blanket on the couch and getting ready to read her a book) and Brennan is up in his room reading (not by choice!) ...I think that is everyone. I will say with 4, I am always wondering if I have everybody. That hasn't changed.

I had a great time last night out with friends. Some new, some I wish I knew much better and some that I just love spending time with. It was a great relaxing time. I got my baby fill and my cannoli fill...well, I can always have more of both.

It's raining now, and we are just killing time before we meet some other friends for lunch at On the Border. I am living for their Guacamole right now. Mmmmm, that sounds so good.

It is interesting that we are leading the community group at church, learning and talking about how exactly HEALTHY community is formed and continued. It seems to me that my circles of community is a living thing. Expanding and contracting constantly. I think the one thing I have learned, and would like to share on this rainy Saturday, is that community and friendship are NOT interchangeable words.

I have several "communities" in my life, sometimes more than others. But within those communities, I don't always have "friends". And even more so, intimate friends. I am not one to have 100 Best Friends, I do have more than I ever thought I would and they are scattered all over, but it is still a small number. But to bring friendships out of community, you need to invest, in other and their lives (all of it, especially if children are included) and choose them. I believe that choice creates a necessity for them.

Just rambling about my constant learning.
Thought on community?

Welcome!

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Please do come in!

For those of you new here, you can track back old posts at my former residence:

creichley.wordpress.com

For those of you who found my change of address, thank you for following.
I am looking forward to this venture on blogger, as I now have the ability for one of my other passions, music. That is important to me. As are the super cute backgrounds you can put on here!

Thanks for coming over, and the door is always open.