Tuesday, January 11, 2011

My name is Courtney...and I'm an addict

(all reply) "Hi Courtney"

This week, I'll be trying to purge some of those addictions as I seek out God in many different ways, as Father, King, Lover and Shepherd.  All of those relationships have with them different modes of communication.  British Historical Dramas really bring those into clearer perspective.  We (as Americans) don't know what it's like to have a King as a close friend or father or lover...it's different, I like it.

All that to say (it has nothing to do with the next part of this post) that God has really been pushing back on me...I can feel the coals being stoked and the temperature rising...the refining fire is coming. I don't fear it as much as I used too...I know it now, know that the burn isn't constant and the cooling sting of the water bath after brings healing. But refining is ever so humbling.

So the question at hand is "What do I love"?  Is it God, the being, the author and perfector of my Faith, Love itself? or is it the evidence of Him that I love?  I'm not talking signs and wonders stuff here, I'm talking the evidence of  God...His hand persay...Do I love Him in spite of His hand or because of it?  Is what happens when God steps in just icing on the cake or is it what I long for?

Thought I was SO beyond this point, but apparently not.  It forces me to get to know God...again, better, more...

Is it hot in here. or is it just me?

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