Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Overwhelmed

Well, I'm off to a great start!  I meant to write twice a week, but let's just say, I'm glad I'm getting one up! ( Added disclaimer...I've been writing this post since Monday...)

This past week marked the official start to "Spring Travel" season for our family.  Having one parent travel, hits families in many different ways.  I actually enjoy looking around and seeing how "single parenting" works for other people.  I feel that I'm in the blessed stage, of kids who are, for the most part, self-sustaining.  By that I mean, no diapers, they feed and dress themselves, they can be left home alone for short amounts of time, etc.  However, along with those amazing gifts, comes the...shall we say  DRAMA of not having toddlers anymore.  Body Odor, Acne, hormonal fluxes, Questioning who I am, wanting people to like me...fun fun!
One thing I have noticed in this season, is the fact that my children don't necessarily need more or less of me, but rather they need something different from me.  They don't depend on me for basic needs.  If they're thirsty they get a drink, if they need to go to the bathroom they go, if they need time by themselves, they go to their room.  But, what they are depending on me for is MUCH more emotional connection.  It's not enough to just sit and watch a movie or read a book together...they want to have a ...gasp CONVERSATION!  They ask me question, deep meaningful questions.  They look me in the eye intently, that in and of itself a question of sorts.  They want to know "Why".  And not the "Why" of a 3 year old, but an honest, "Tell me how to understand" Why.
It's exhausting.  It's frustrating. It is OH SO time consuming. And it fills me with fear.  This is the moment, the moment I knew would come, the moment that my mistakes aren't covered by the knowledge that they're Too Young, to remember what I say, or how I mess up.  These conversations will be remembered.  These actions will be modeled.  These words will be repeated.

I'm Overwhelmed.

But it's not what you think.  Or, I guess I should say, it's not what I usually expect of myself.  I'm overwhelmed in a good way.  Overwhelmed by peoples kindness and sincere prayers for my family.  Overwhelmed by reminders that I am not in this alone.  And I was never intended to be in the alone. (See Genesis 1)  Overwhelmed by the family I've been given, a place in and responsibility for.  Overwhelmed by the faith the Lord has in me to be good stewards of His children, that with Him, I am able to love them, as He loves me.  Overwhelmed, that all I need to succeed, I have, in Him, who is able to complete the Good Work He started when He formed these beautiful children.

I am Overwhelmed.

Love, Joy, Grace, Hope, Courage...all of those things have overwhelmed me this past week. And I know, that it is not fleeting.  It is not a promise that I better hold onto , because who knows when it will come again!  It is a promise that endures forever.  Why?  Because My God is faithful, even when I am not, He is faithful.  He is: Faithful.

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