Monday, October 18, 2010

Explained but not defined

My heart is in turmoil right now...conviction and grace are swimming all over me, and that makes for an odd mix of heart beats.  As a woman...I am always struggling with things like, the ever present temptation to gossip, judge and self righteousness.  As a wife...I am always struggling with security, unconditional love both received and given and self lessness.  As a mom....I am always struggling....period.  Seriously, those who have had the privilege of knowing me long, know that motherhood is not in my bones...nurturing doesn't come easily.  But I am having to remind myself of a mantra that the Lord downloaded to me several years ago...one that is life changing...if I let it be.

Explained but not defined.

My weaknesses in parenting, the lack of natural ability...explain my struggles, but don't define me as a mom
My INTP Meyers-Briggs report...explains how I tick, but don't define who I am
My insecurities and struggles with identity...explain my response, but shouldn't define my attitude.

You, see, I've come to realize that the only thing, the ONLY thing that defines me is Christ.  The only thing that can redeem the negative qualities in my life and restore them to usefulness for offering hope, is Christ.  That even thought there are chapters and chapters of my life, they don't have to define the life I have yet to live.  I mean, I got a doggone tattoo to remember that...I guess I knew why I needed to see that everyday to be reminded of it!!!

Nothing, bad parenting, weight gain and loss, impure thoughts, a wicked tongue...nothing can separate me from the love of Christ...a love that covers all sin.

So as I sit in a swirling pool of conviction and grace (if you're dying to know, it relates to parenting. I can't stand when people are passive aggressively vague in blogs. I need to love my kids better) I with be introspective in looking at why and what has brought me to this point, I will repent, I will be proactive in moving forward, not dismissing my actions to "that's just who I am and how I work".
God is bigger than that.
Curiously waiting to see what He has in store.

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