I wanna....

...I wanna, I wanna!!!! (spice girls baby!)

There are so many things I want for this year. To go back to London and take friends with us.(Yeah David, I said it) To have more conversations with my husband. Keep my house cleaner. Hang my clothes up every night. Make my bed every morning. And finish all the other things on my list!

But there is one thing, that I have been trying to do for almost 10 years, and really longer if you look at it a certain way....Love. I was thinking the other night...do I really love anyone? I know that sounds extreme, but I mean, I'm a pretty selfish person, and do I really love anyone more than myself? So I started thinking how would I know? and like the Psalms promise, the words came floating by:
Love is:
-patient
-kind
-not jealous or boastful or proud or rude
-does not demand its own way
-not irritable
-does not keep a record of wrongs
-never glad about someone failing
-rejoices when Truth wins out
-Never gives up
-Never loses faith
-always hopeful
-endures every circumstance
-will last forever

Am I those to the people I say I love? My husband, my kids? Here is what I realize that I have been when I say I love them:
-Conditional
-Easily Angered
-Circumstantially driven
-Expects too much

The list could go on and on, but I don't want to bury myself.
I want to love, as love is truly defined, not what I see the defenition should be. Today I have decided to try a new venture, to love this week. Too love my kids, as Paul says in his letter. Not to yell, not to teach, not to correct...but love. Today, has gone very well. I raised my voice once, and caught myself. Of course there have been moments of discipline or steering, but truly in love. Shocking, I'm happier, my kids are happier, they are behaving and getting along. I need this, they need this. It's time the "expectations" of those around me are set aside. I don't care if you follow baby wise, growing Kids God's way or any other child reering plan. I DON'T CARE! We all do our best, we all fail, but we all love (or at least should). My youngest may not be potty trained and still take a pacifier, my boys may be rowdy and smell like boys sometimes do, but dangit, they will know they are loved.

I will finish that task, before it's too late.