Monday, January 31, 2011

Rejoice in this

Need to post this again...Feel that a lot of us out here are under attack and need to be reminded that everything belongs to Him and no weapon formed against us shall prosper...Praise Him, in the midst, life it up and lean into His love. Dancing around also lifts the soul literally revolves with this song.

....Your Voice it Thunders, the earth is shaking
the mountains now are shaking
Creation sees you...and starts composing...

Wednesday, January 26, 2011


The other day I was laying down with Millie...she needed the nap, not me ;-) but when I got up to sneak out of the bed, I looked over and there she was fast asleep...I couldn't take my eyes off her.  She looked so...beautiful.  Sleeping, lips perfectly pursed, face relaxed, and...quiet...she was at peace. So that evening as my kids fell asleep I snuck around to all their beds and got a glance...yep, it wasn't just her...and it wasn't just the little ones...all of them looked beautiful.
Then last night, David and I sat down and I finally got to watch the documentary must see it, I giggled and "awww"ed the whole way through.  But there is about 5 total minutes throughout of the babies sleeping...I loved it...the mouths suckling as they slept...the expressions they make as you wonder what they're dreaming sweet!

And my heart question...does the Lord think I'm the most beautiful when I rest?  I somewhat think a parent, He thinks we're beautiful all the time...but I think when we climb up in His lap and rest, we look most like what He intended. Relying totally on Him...face relaxed, worry lines cease...lips aren't moving...breathing becomes steady...peace.  We can't live like this I know, but we don't do it enough, I mean really rest...

Hold tight little one...slow down your breathing...think on good things...and rest.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

A calloused Heart

I'm about to be very vulnerable (to quote the illustrious Dave Rhodes)

I'm about to talk about my...feet...Ugh...I think I just threw up a little in my mouth...gross.
My feet are awful...Calloused, rough...awful to touch.  My feet used to be wonderful, in fact someone once told me how nice they were...but that all changed in 2000.  And has continually gotten worse...why then? Well, that is when I was pregnant with Brennan...gained 40+ lbs (which I still have yet to lose, but that's another post) and my feet grew 1/2 size. Swelling, the added weight took a toll...and then happened again in 2002...and 2005 and 2006.  Yes...pregnancy did this too me. My feet grew a 1/2 size with each child except Millie and my weight went up and down (mostly up). 
So what do I do to my poor feet? IN an effort to lose some of that baby weight I start, that brought a whole NEW realm of callouses...crazy runners feet.

It's awful, awful I tell you...but you wouldn't know unless you really looked at them...or GASP...tried to touch them (which i wouldn't allow).

So this leads to the thought I had this morning while using my pumice stone in the shower...that is so much the definition of a calloused heart.  When we think of someone with a calloused heart, we think of a bitter old man, hunched over with a permanent scowl on his face, growling and mumbling under his breath...but is that really how it looks.  I mean, how do you know if it's calloused unless you reach out and touch it.
Nails painted, Burts Bees Foot Creme'd never know to look at it.  Only when you touch it do you feel the callouses. 

Realising that whether the callouses came from great struggle and sacrifice(of my own : running or of someone Else's doing : pregnancy) doesn't matter.  It needs to be tended too...only by regular visits for a pedicure (time and money to sacrifice) will the callouses begin to be removed. 

So I ask you (ask "us" really) do you think you have a calloused heart?  When people reach out to touch your heart, do you wince at what they'll find...or even more, not even feel it?  You know they've attempted to touch you, so you respond with a smile, as not to hurt their feelings...but it did nothing for you...too much dead skin between the touch and the nerves...

You may have never considered yourself a calloused don't scowl, you let people into your life... the "nails are painted" and you even dare to wear flip flops, so people know you're fine with your "feet".

We need to be razored and pumiced and massaged and loved...that is the only way to get rid of callouses and able us to feel.

Time for a pedicure?

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

My name is Courtney...and I'm an addict

(all reply) "Hi Courtney"

This week, I'll be trying to purge some of those addictions as I seek out God in many different ways, as Father, King, Lover and Shepherd.  All of those relationships have with them different modes of communication.  British Historical Dramas really bring those into clearer perspective.  We (as Americans) don't know what it's like to have a King as a close friend or father or's different, I like it.

All that to say (it has nothing to do with the next part of this post) that God has really been pushing back on me...I can feel the coals being stoked and the temperature rising...the refining fire is coming. I don't fear it as much as I used too...I know it now, know that the burn isn't constant and the cooling sting of the water bath after brings healing. But refining is ever so humbling.

So the question at hand is "What do I love"?  Is it God, the being, the author and perfector of my Faith, Love itself? or is it the evidence of Him that I love?  I'm not talking signs and wonders stuff here, I'm talking the evidence of  God...His hand persay...Do I love Him in spite of His hand or because of it?  Is what happens when God steps in just icing on the cake or is it what I long for?

Thought I was SO beyond this point, but apparently not.  It forces me to get to know God...again, better, more...

Is it hot in here. or is it just me?

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Broken toe

yes...I broke my toe.
Well, not really, I kicked a table (a round one at that, so that all are able to be safe)  and it hurt like the dickens...and I'm cranky, and feel not good and...and....waaaaaaaa
[Not to mention, my kids have decided to play hide and seek and that means Millie in her squealy voice running around yelling "Apple Peaches, Pumpkin Pie, Found you!  or I'm in the closet or Hi-Yah.  It's funny...but noisy and I'm yelling, don't touch the walls!]
David, the saint that he is, cleaned up the kitchen, as he always does, and is walking around in Long Johns trying to think of ways to help while mumbling comments.  I need a retreat...
Can you have a hospital stay, like the maternity kind, for a broken toe...or at least a semi-broken toe?

Tuesday, January 4, 2011


Sorry folks...blogging...not a priority, up until now.  I haven't forgotten about you two out there ( Thanks Gina and Mom!)
No regrets though...right, moving forward.  Picking up my Pen again.

So much is ready to come bursting out...but I've been told to keep quiet, it's okay...I can do it! Not for much longer be just a bit more patient.

In the meantime, the word for 2011...Whole.  The spirit just gave it to me, and promised to continually reveal as I prod along...different than any other year, in the process of choosing my word, out of a goal or plan of bettering myself...a lot more exciting!
Already I feel that Whole is meant to encourage me in all areas...I guess Holistic. Not just bettering in all areas, but abiding in all as well...loving myself and those around me and within me.  Also offering my whole self...that's a scary one and I'm not going to talk about it anymore and pretend it's not there.

Blessings to you this entry to a new exciting one at can smell it in the air, feel it in the earth.  Almost a constant rumbling that something is about to burst soul just lept.