Overwhelmed

Well, I'm off to a great start!  I meant to write twice a week, but let's just say, I'm glad I'm getting one up! ( Added disclaimer...I've been writing this post since Monday...)

This past week marked the official start to "Spring Travel" season for our family.  Having one parent travel, hits families in many different ways.  I actually enjoy looking around and seeing how "single parenting" works for other people.  I feel that I'm in the blessed stage, of kids who are, for the most part, self-sustaining.  By that I mean, no diapers, they feed and dress themselves, they can be left home alone for short amounts of time, etc.  However, along with those amazing gifts, comes the...shall we say  DRAMA of not having toddlers anymore.  Body Odor, Acne, hormonal fluxes, Questioning who I am, wanting people to like me...fun fun!
One thing I have noticed in this season, is the fact that my children don't necessarily need more or less of me, but rather they need something different from me.  They don't depend on me for basic needs.  If they're thirsty they get a drink, if they need to go to the bathroom they go, if they need time by themselves, they go to their room.  But, what they are depending on me for is MUCH more emotional connection.  It's not enough to just sit and watch a movie or read a book together...they want to have a ...gasp CONVERSATION!  They ask me question, deep meaningful questions.  They look me in the eye intently, that in and of itself a question of sorts.  They want to know "Why".  And not the "Why" of a 3 year old, but an honest, "Tell me how to understand" Why.
It's exhausting.  It's frustrating. It is OH SO time consuming. And it fills me with fear.  This is the moment, the moment I knew would come, the moment that my mistakes aren't covered by the knowledge that they're Too Young, to remember what I say, or how I mess up.  These conversations will be remembered.  These actions will be modeled.  These words will be repeated.

I'm Overwhelmed.

But it's not what you think.  Or, I guess I should say, it's not what I usually expect of myself.  I'm overwhelmed in a good way.  Overwhelmed by peoples kindness and sincere prayers for my family.  Overwhelmed by reminders that I am not in this alone.  And I was never intended to be in the alone. (See Genesis 1)  Overwhelmed by the family I've been given, a place in and responsibility for.  Overwhelmed by the faith the Lord has in me to be good stewards of His children, that with Him, I am able to love them, as He loves me.  Overwhelmed, that all I need to succeed, I have, in Him, who is able to complete the Good Work He started when He formed these beautiful children.

I am Overwhelmed.

Love, Joy, Grace, Hope, Courage...all of those things have overwhelmed me this past week. And I know, that it is not fleeting.  It is not a promise that I better hold onto , because who knows when it will come again!  It is a promise that endures forever.  Why?  Because My God is faithful, even when I am not, He is faithful.  He is: Faithful.

(Gulp)

Ahem...TESTING...TESTING...Is this thing on?

Yes, I'm here.  I'm a little shaky, a little nervous, a little anxious...a little new.  But I'm here.  And I'm going to jump right in!

Yesterday my friend Megan, asked how I satisfy my creative side. Hmmm.  That was a good question.  I don't perform anymore, I haven't in about a year.  I haven't written anything in a LONG time, and well...I don't know how I satisfy that side.  I guess I ignore it!  But I mentioned to her that I used to Blog, and that really enabled me to not only put things in writing that I'm learning and loving, but also in somewhat of a creative manner.
That right there did it.  That was the confirmation, to the stirring that has been in my heart since Christmas.  It's time to write again.  Even if no one reads, it's writing and in some small (very small) sense, publishing what I have swirling around in this eccentric brain of mine!
So, last Sunday I began to put on paper posts that I feel inclined to write.  Some are serious, some are funny (in my own head), but all will be authentically me.  The new me that I'm just starting to get to know, the old me that just won't go away, the me that I'm letting God redeem, in order to leave people better than I found them.
Short and sweet, that's how it's starting.  Let's get this thing going.

Love.

I'm not...

...
was going to write dead, but I'm really not...however if you're around me right now, that is questionable...walking dead. 
(For the record it is going to take a good 30 minutes and tons or re-writes to do this post...why?  Brennan has The Rescuers on...my ALL TIME FAVORITE kids movie...besides pippi longstockings...and Robin Hood...oh heck, where was I?)

My sincerest apologies...I've been a blog delinquent...tsk,tsk...I know.

So, coming back today I thought of all the blog posts I have running around my head (I think in blog posts you know).  My real review of Love Wins, my tales of the goings on in this crazy exciting family, my excited recap of Spring Break (let's just say it ended well) or my thoughts on running in my Five Fingers (yes I have them and Yes, I love them) but to be honest, I just don't have it in me (refer to first sentence)

So as I was cooking dinner tonight, I thought that I'd start back in on a lighter note...what are the MUST HAVES in my kitchen.  Exciting!
-Kitchen Aid Mixer...you don't have to soften cream cheese or butter with this puppy!
-My pots and pans...I am the proud owner of more All Clad than I deserve, but everyone deserves All Clad, cooking with anything else is a travesty...I mean it...ask me more if you want to get some CHEAP!!
-French Press...I sway time to time, but on a whole this is the ONLY way to make coffee. Easy, quick and the best...mmm, going to make some in a minute.
-Cookbooks-My Favorites-ANY church cookbook is awesome, or Junior League for that matter...tested and true recipes, The Pioneer Woman Cookbook (so fun to look at), and Cooks Illustrated (this is a magazine, but the absolute whole package, I cook more from that than anything else  LOVE LOVE LOVE)
-Good Season Italian Dressing- Yes, I make the dressing, but this is a staple ingredient in so much. Especially my Mom's Spaghetti sauce ( a good Scottish version) which I'm making right now for my husbands very Italian family...oh well.
-Yeast, Flour and Sugar- When groceries and money are low, these three can get you through any meal...pancakes, waffles, bread, etc.
-Good...I mean GREAT olive oil!- I get mine at Penn Mac in Pittsburgh and bring it down...so very good and you'll never miss butter
-Greek Yogurt, Honey and Granola-This actually stays at the office, but is such a treat
-Oatmeal and Natural Peanut Butter- How David and I celebrate breakfast after working out each day (well him each day, me every other (ish) day)
-Hummus-My kids first step to healthy eating...they fight over it!  With veggies or Wheat Thins.

That's about it...Curious...what's your kitchen must haves?

Prayer part 2

So many thoughts in my soul...I get so IRRITATED every time I see a facebook post of Rob Bell in an interview...READ THE BOOK!  &*(%$$#  Yes, I said it...it ticks me off.  I've got about 20 pages left, and no I don't agree with everything, but I don't disagree with it either.  I'm irritated at him too for being so much in the Gray, but I understand that, I have a certain friend that shall remain nameless that likes to not land on the black and white of issues...ask more questions than give answers...it's annoying, but in no way do I question his stance on Christ, or salvation or the scriptures, because I know him...oh wait, these people must no Rob Bell to condemn him on his BOOK TOUR!!!!  Ok, ok, I'm done...grow up...ok, I'm done, I promise...for now.

So what was I writing about...oh yeah, Prayer!  So, on my last post I tried to make 2 points,
1-Prayer is a conversation and we should pray the way God has designed us to communicate, in our own way, easily, effortlessly and uniquely.
2-The more we hang around someone, we have a tendency to pick up their mannerisms, so by continuously "hanging out" with God, we may actually tend to look more like Him...strange, but it obviously worked for Jesus.

Side note- I have to say that I disagree when people make a statement like "Be Jesus to them" or "you may be the only Jesus people see"  Although I think we carry the weight of that responsibility, it isn't totally true.  I think the correct statement or way of thinking is to be the us that Jesus redeemed.  God made us to be us...not us to be Jesus...we are to be us with Jesus in us....does that make any sense?  We cannot be Jesus, but we can be ourselves, completely made new by Christ and completely able to share our story made righteous by His blood.  So even though by hanging with Him we may begin to look like Him, hopefully, we are still very much ourselves...which is a good thing.

So, my second point that I want to touch on tonight is what are you praying for?  I feel like there are two types of prayers....Redemption and Deliverance, both forms of healing.  And one of those is always given.
As we think on this and next time I'll break each one of these down, I want to share an illustration that I heard Crawford Lorits give once.
Sometimes when we pray we ask God to deliver us from a situation...and sometimes He does...and other times it plays out more like this...
A father is outside playing with his son, and the son falls on the ground and splits his chin open. (As a mother of 3 boys, this happens more often than not) He quickly scoops him up and takes him to the Dr., where it is declared that the boy needs stitches.  Now, this happened in the 70's when numbing agents weren't as widely used as they are today...in fact they weren't used in these situations at all.  So the Dr. informs the dad that he will have to hold the young boy in his lap and keep his arms pinned to his side, so the Dr. can complete the stitches.  The dad, with tears in his eyes, scoops up his son, and tightly wraps his arms around him.  The boy, scared and nervous, asks his dad if it will hurt..."yes" he says, "but I have to hold your arms down so the Dr. can do his job.  And if I didn't do that, it would be a lot worse."
Sit in this for a bit...think on this as you consider your own prayer life.  How often do we get mad at our Father, as it seems he is assisting in a painful process, let alone, not making it stop.  And it make take a lifetime to see it, but He wants what's best for us...and His redemption is promised to bring healing to situations that were not intended...but redemption can hurt, and sometimes He has to hold our arms down, so the Spirit, can put back what was broken...and there will be scars, but with scars come stories...good stories.
Be blessed today, as you converse with your Father and ask Him to reveal times of redemption in your life.

Prayer Part 1

Prayer is one of those things that alludes me...I mean when there are whole SECTIONS on how to pray in the book stores (christian and otherwise) there's got to be a problem!  But I think I've figured out why there are so many books!  I know, get the Nobel committee on the phone...

If prayer is described as conversation, then why do we try to imitate each other?  I know that Jesus told us how to pray, but saying a prayer by rote is not exactly heartfelt or conversation.  But that prayer can be heartfelt...for example, if my husband were to come to me and read a poem from a book, or even recited it, dead faced, yawning in between lines and mumbling...I'd kick him.  Now he may even try to make it feel more dramatic, pausing in the appropriate places and having an eb and flow to his voice...but I can tell it's just an act, and a good dramatic reading.  But, if he were to look into my eyes, speak those words TO me, as if they were his own...well, you know what would happen next...right, right!!!!

Or this...
When I was at camp one year in High School, my roommate for the week noted that she was starting to talk like me by the end of our stay.  I didn't understand what she meant, she sounded the same to me...no, it was the way in which she had conversations with people.  She then pointed out my specific mannerisms, how I trailed off at the end of sentences and finished thoughts to myself, how I shook my head and looked down a lot...I never noticed these things. But it made me realize, we all have a certain way of conversing that is uniquely our own.  Thus prayer...that's why often as we sit and try an learn how to pray from other people we my find useful things, but if we try to perfectly Copy them, it feels unnatural, it is unnatural.

We can take certain postures and tips and phrases and even words that other people use in prayer, but don't forget, you have your own unique way of conversing...don't lose it.  Look at how you uniquely have a conversation with other people.  Do you use your hands a lot (GINA!) do you laugh a lot, do you usually listen and say little?  Take these and apply them to prayer...it's just a conversation...

soundtrack of life

Music...I love it...it speaks too me...through me...I think you get the point.

You can learn this by asking my husband...I send him songs when I can't find the words...songs about love, fighting, really messing things up (mumford and sons is really good for relationships).   You can learn it from my friends who for whatever reason, have received the good 'ol mix cd from me.  Whether going through a tough time, moving away, or just because...music is my language.  I think I've said it here before, that there is something in my soul, that communicates with God this way too...it's a heavenly language.

So, I thought I'd give you an update on where I am musically at the current moment. 

*- Mumford and Sons, I mentioned before.  It's really funny how they have just exploded with an album that was recorded in 2009!  But it's a great album and I can't wait for their sophomore project (music language for Second Record...I'm SOOO with it!)

*- Katie Herzig is another super stellar artist.  She has a real mix of sounds, soulful, folksie, popish, it's just all there!  It's just the kind of music when you want to be happy and chill. Good for laying in a hammock on a Sunny day

*- Kari Jobe has just one of the greatest voices period.  I love it.  It's powerful but mellow, different, yet highly familiar.  Her passion behind the words she sings, also familiar, just takes some songs to a whole new level...she gets me going almost everyday.

 *- Bombay Bicycle Club could be one of my favorites at the moment.  They have been for awhile.  Like Mumford and Sons, they are a real smash up of instruments and styles and unusual voices, etc.  A little of everything and just some AWESOME chill music.  Read a book kinda music.

 *-Janelle Monae....I've got to give Lauren Walker TOTAL props for this.  As well as one of my other ALL time faves...Feist.  Janelle is a total change of pace for my usual set list.  A little funk, a little R&B a little 80's and all ATL!  She is fresh, in every sense of the word.

So, those are the New Additions to my Pandora over the past year, and of course, Imogen, Ingrid and Bon Iver still get thrown in the mix, but try any of these out and you'll be please...a little disclaimer, they are not all for little ears...so be careful who's in the room

Curious as too your musical likings

The gospel, according to Wonder Pets

In the latest episode of Wonder Pets (well, one of the only episodes we watch, because it's on dvd) I was listening as Ming Ming was talking to the Emu in Australia.  He was telling her that he is the largest bird there and she puffed up (as she usually does) and said that she comes from an impressive lineage too, she believes her great-grandfather was an Eagle.  Well the Emu just smiles at her (the best way an Emu CAN smile) and they move along.  He smiles, because she's a duck...duck's don't have any relation to Eagles...their ducks.  Unless man interferes (or domestication interferes) animals don't crossbreed.

And it hit me...is that what it sounds like to people when I refer to God as my father?  I mean, I'm human, sinful, as all are aware of, since we so often remind them.  And yet, I think I can claim God as my Father, among other intimate relational things?  Really...No wonder they often smirk and move along.  It's bizarre!

But what if Ming Ming were to suddenly spread her, what seem to be minuscule, wings and had a massive wingspan, only ever seen on...eagles.  All of the sudden her claim would have relevance, there would be proof.

It's not a new message, our words and actions need to match.  If I claim to be a child of a Father, I need to carry characteristics of that said Father...even in the case of adoption this is true!  My brother and his wife have adopted 3 children, from three different parents at 3 different stages in their lives.  Each of my sweet nieces and my force of nature nephew, all have some characteristics of Chad and Heidi.  Whether it's the way they say  certain words, facial expressions or their taste in clothes.  Because of the CONSTANT interaction with their now parents, they take on traits that make them known to be part of that family. 

So I am challenged that when I claim to be from a great lineage, that someone whom I stake claim in, and who in turn stakes claim in me, that I spread my wings and prove that not only to I bear a mark of that lineage, but might flight patterns model His as well.