Sunday, July 19, 2009

Grow up.

I am in PA...excited to reconnect with some long-since friends...makes me realize that there are several people in this world, who knew me well and accepted me, and dare I say liked me...even before I knew that was what they were doing. I miss them...I miss a lot of people, that I never thought I would. I realize that when I go on Facebook. I wish I could sit down and REALLY chat with people.

I also realize that I still live in High School when I come back here. The same people that would be nice to you, depending on who you were dating or friends with (that particular week) are still the same way.

Exhibit a:
Go to Giant Eagle (the world's best grocery for many reasons) and run into a former classmate. My mom sees her first, I try to dodge (as I am VERY self-conscious about my weight, looks, etc and only have 2 kids with me to blame it on!) but I suck my gut in, walk over and it begins
-Hey, how are you?
-You look great!
-I hear you many?
-Just 4, not what people think...
-Oh, well I have 5, so I understand
-(I am thinking) and you are still a size two with the cutest hair cut ever...I hate you
-(I say) Great to see you.

As this conversation goes on I see her out of the corner of my eye. One of "those" girls I mentioned above. She looks EXACTLY the same and I see her double take me...great, she's checking out my thighs!
I turn to actually smile and wave, when she quickly turns away...I understand...then as I am checking out there she is again, then in the parking this time. Bitchy me is out! BRING IT!
I see that same smirk I saw at the High and see her get on her cell phone as soon as she gets in her car. As she drives off, she is grinning...I can list the people she called to say
"You will not believe who I saw at Giant Eagle!" much as you want to fight it...that stuff kills...wounds reopen, doubts and lies flood in. what is wrong with people. Do you realize I graduated...15 years ago! I mean, COME ON! Sadly, there are more people in that category than I would like. It stinks...I'm different, I would have thought they were different...

would have thought they would have taken the chance to grow up and move along.


  1. Courtney,

    I love you and I love your posts and your honesty! It is such a sad moment when we realize how much emphasis we do put on the for her that she does not know who she really saw! You are amazing! PS- we loved getting to see David this weekend.

  2. she obviously didn't see you rock the black sexy dress for your 10th Anniversary like i did! so, how does it feel to be blonde, beautiful, busty and bodacious?! i just wondered since i'm none of those.

  3. just found this post. Love it. Lived it. I am going through high school memories right now, one at a time and bringing Jesus into them, letting him speak to those hurt places. Its a long process. Good to know that I am not alone.