Ahem...check, check...(insert feedback squeal here)....Hi. My name is Courtney, and this is my blog. Let me (re)introduce this to you.
It's a blog of thoughts...sometime, all my own, sometimes spurred on by others thoughts, and sometimes non-sensical in nature and random in content...but always, authentic and honest.
Let me claryify that I understand that this is not my online journal, nor will it be treated as such. I also understand that it isn't my online bragbook either. At least of myself, others...well, we'll see what the day brings.
Trying to past at least twice a week, that gets harder as life goes on, but I hate the lack of committment that I have given in the past.
So,thanks for the feedback...it seems that some of you are a little curious as to what I have going on "up there" , and I'm a little curious as to what you have to say about that. Curiousity may be risky, but it also makes me who I am. I love to learn, never thinking that I know it all, and always willing to challenge the process.
Let's see where this rabbit hole leads...
Monday, September 27, 2010
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Changing things up and Helping me out...
Yes, I know, I've been breaking blog etiquette. Sorry...life, you know.
So, I read today that a good motivation and accountability in running is to blog about it. So this is turning into my motivation and running blog. I will post my playlists, my weekly workouts and anything in between. Any tips or suggestions are welcome and I look forward to where this goes. It's hot as TARNATION here, so my runs will be inside on the tready...boo. I have a triathlon in 2 months, so training for that begins this week.,,,oi.
So, I read today that a good motivation and accountability in running is to blog about it. So this is turning into my motivation and running blog. I will post my playlists, my weekly workouts and anything in between. Any tips or suggestions are welcome and I look forward to where this goes. It's hot as TARNATION here, so my runs will be inside on the tready...boo. I have a triathlon in 2 months, so training for that begins this week.,,,oi.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
INTP
If you know what that is, you have either been in corporate America or a psychology major! I was neither, so I just recently found this out about myself.
"Google it". So I did and have slowly been working my way through the profile descriptions...it's been interesting, funny, frustrating and well...spot on!
Over the past year, I have been in recovery...you see, I'm a recovering cynic. I used to think, and even blame this trait, as an excuse to say and treat people, however I deemed "truthful". That is so far from the Truth, it's a little nauseating. So about a year ago, after doing a study on the emotions that God placed in all of us and how although they seem negatve, God can redeem them for His use. So the process of being cynical into being about Truth in Love...it's hard. But so needed and honestly I wish a lot more "agents of Truth" would take this journey. It's must be what it's like for a recovering addict to become so aware and sensetive too, other addicts that they had never seen before.
So I'm back to being an INTP. Learning about myself. Realising that the explanations do not Define who I am, but Explain what makes me tick.
There is only One who defines me...and only He can continually change that defenition. I am content, truely able to say that, with the defenition I currently have and knowing that He is still refining. I enjoy the thought of that, not so much the process, but you know...
So I've been blessed with knowledge and tools and people to help me through my Recovery...
What are you, or do you need to, go to "Rehab" for?
Trust me...I said "No, no, no" for a LONG time. It's much better on this side.
"Google it". So I did and have slowly been working my way through the profile descriptions...it's been interesting, funny, frustrating and well...spot on!
Over the past year, I have been in recovery...you see, I'm a recovering cynic. I used to think, and even blame this trait, as an excuse to say and treat people, however I deemed "truthful". That is so far from the Truth, it's a little nauseating. So about a year ago, after doing a study on the emotions that God placed in all of us and how although they seem negatve, God can redeem them for His use. So the process of being cynical into being about Truth in Love...it's hard. But so needed and honestly I wish a lot more "agents of Truth" would take this journey. It's must be what it's like for a recovering addict to become so aware and sensetive too, other addicts that they had never seen before.
So I'm back to being an INTP. Learning about myself. Realising that the explanations do not Define who I am, but Explain what makes me tick.
There is only One who defines me...and only He can continually change that defenition. I am content, truely able to say that, with the defenition I currently have and knowing that He is still refining. I enjoy the thought of that, not so much the process, but you know...
So I've been blessed with knowledge and tools and people to help me through my Recovery...
What are you, or do you need to, go to "Rehab" for?
Trust me...I said "No, no, no" for a LONG time. It's much better on this side.
Friday, May 28, 2010
It's all happening...
...a little too fast.
Life that is. Seems to be spinning. Some good, some not so good.
Camp is here, that means constant work. Constantly thinking of what needs to be done. I don't mind it, it's enjoyable work and it's David's "sweet spot". I love seeing him shine and take charge and lead like no one else. He truly is one of a kind, and in the camp world...he knocks it out of the park.
Camp also means summer and summer means kids are home...today is the last day of school. FYI, when your kids hit life in the school year calendar...flies by doesn't even begin to describe it. The years are a blur, seriously. Summer around here means structure and travel. We have a structured day or mom goes crazy...not good for anyone. We travel to PA for a few weeks each summer, and that is always a highlight and memory maker, priceless for my kids to build memories in the same place I have from my childhood. We also have David's family reunion, in between camps...so that pretty much sums up June!!!
Abiding...has been going well. I had a slip up yesterday and I was at a point where the lack of action had me frustrated. I reverted back to the place where I want control and felt that integrity was losing out again. Frustration...anger...disappointment. I was quickly drawn back in with the Gentle but Firm arm of Our Father. and words from some FB friends!! Back into the vine I go, the pruning season is somewhat embarrassing as it seems that all you have done is cut away, as you await the new. It looks like failure..
We're are homeless...church home that is. David and I have made some difficult and painful but healthy decisions for our family. It's tough, it's no fun, it's lonely. We feel we have a direction on what we are too look for in a Corporate Worship home...but it's still no fun. Let me assure you that there is no bitterness. As David said "there was no line drawn in the sand that someone crossed." So if you want to know gossip of sorts, you are coming to the wrong person.
So that pretty much sums it up. Our life is busy, and plentiful and lived daily by faith in our Guide and Provider. The Shepherd knows what's best for us, I'm still learning how to trust Him. That again?!?!
So Peace be with you this season. I will be back when I get a minute, June is about here and we are off and running.
Life that is. Seems to be spinning. Some good, some not so good.
Camp is here, that means constant work. Constantly thinking of what needs to be done. I don't mind it, it's enjoyable work and it's David's "sweet spot". I love seeing him shine and take charge and lead like no one else. He truly is one of a kind, and in the camp world...he knocks it out of the park.
Camp also means summer and summer means kids are home...today is the last day of school. FYI, when your kids hit life in the school year calendar...flies by doesn't even begin to describe it. The years are a blur, seriously. Summer around here means structure and travel. We have a structured day or mom goes crazy...not good for anyone. We travel to PA for a few weeks each summer, and that is always a highlight and memory maker, priceless for my kids to build memories in the same place I have from my childhood. We also have David's family reunion, in between camps...so that pretty much sums up June!!!
Abiding...has been going well. I had a slip up yesterday and I was at a point where the lack of action had me frustrated. I reverted back to the place where I want control and felt that integrity was losing out again. Frustration...anger...disappointment. I was quickly drawn back in with the Gentle but Firm arm of Our Father. and words from some FB friends!! Back into the vine I go, the pruning season is somewhat embarrassing as it seems that all you have done is cut away, as you await the new. It looks like failure..
We're are homeless...church home that is. David and I have made some difficult and painful but healthy decisions for our family. It's tough, it's no fun, it's lonely. We feel we have a direction on what we are too look for in a Corporate Worship home...but it's still no fun. Let me assure you that there is no bitterness. As David said "there was no line drawn in the sand that someone crossed." So if you want to know gossip of sorts, you are coming to the wrong person.
So that pretty much sums it up. Our life is busy, and plentiful and lived daily by faith in our Guide and Provider. The Shepherd knows what's best for us, I'm still learning how to trust Him. That again?!?!
So Peace be with you this season. I will be back when I get a minute, June is about here and we are off and running.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Songs
I am convinced that my life has a soundtrack.
When David and I were dating he used to get frustrated when we would be driving and there was no talking...he'd ask what I was thinking about..."nothing, I'm just singing in my head". He'd roll his eyes, not believing. Now, he's a believer and he enjoys the silence a little too much, the tables have turned and the "song" in his head usually begins with a "W" and ends with an "ayfarer".
All that to say , I truely hear music in my head all day. I used to think I'm crazy, but now I know that is just a way the Spirit speaks to me. It encompasses emotion, literal meaning and complex artistry all in one. I guess you could say it encompasses me. (And no, it's not all spiritual music, God's not that small).
So songs, they mean a lot to me. They are the easiest way for me to convey my thoughts and emotions (just ask the people in my life who have recieved mix-Cd-that's sad- from me rather than a letter or speech)
It is one of my most favourite things to do. Search out artists, shop on iTunes and read lyrics and the stories behind them.
And yes, you don't even have to ask, I have the music for my funeral all picked out. It changes every couple years, but a few remain...they keep me focused and aware that when I leave there will be others left who knew me. I hope they knew me well, and speak well.
So what is your song list? What would be the soundtrack of your life? Here, is my current:
Mushaboom
Ice Cream
American Boy
True Love
Paper Planes
You and Me
Hello Lord
I like to Dance
Fragile
The Way I am
When David and I were dating he used to get frustrated when we would be driving and there was no talking...he'd ask what I was thinking about..."nothing, I'm just singing in my head". He'd roll his eyes, not believing. Now, he's a believer and he enjoys the silence a little too much, the tables have turned and the "song" in his head usually begins with a "W" and ends with an "ayfarer".
All that to say , I truely hear music in my head all day. I used to think I'm crazy, but now I know that is just a way the Spirit speaks to me. It encompasses emotion, literal meaning and complex artistry all in one. I guess you could say it encompasses me. (And no, it's not all spiritual music, God's not that small).
So songs, they mean a lot to me. They are the easiest way for me to convey my thoughts and emotions (just ask the people in my life who have recieved mix-Cd-that's sad- from me rather than a letter or speech)
It is one of my most favourite things to do. Search out artists, shop on iTunes and read lyrics and the stories behind them.
And yes, you don't even have to ask, I have the music for my funeral all picked out. It changes every couple years, but a few remain...they keep me focused and aware that when I leave there will be others left who knew me. I hope they knew me well, and speak well.
So what is your song list? What would be the soundtrack of your life? Here, is my current:
Mushaboom
Ice Cream
American Boy
True Love
Paper Planes
You and Me
Hello Lord
I like to Dance
Fragile
The Way I am
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Wagons and such
I've fallen off...and they've moved on...I'm waiting for the next.
Take your pick, you name which "wagon" it is and I feel like I am just watching drive off into the sunset! Health, Exercise...blogging.
I apologize for my lack of responsibility. If I'm going to have a blog, I need to keep it up. If any of you are still out there. Thanks.
So, as I climb back onto the rickety car and rejoin the wagon train, I will try and be concise and fluid as I share where I am.
I am at a place that if not careful, I could stay forever. A place that I think has gotten many people in trouble, if not handled correctly. A place of Abiding. As in, when the branches are being pruned, they abide in the vine. It is blissful, restful, beautiful...it's full. I wonder, and understand the struggle, how the Israelites returned to work after taking every 7th year off. Although, with my personality, I guess I will be itching to get back at it. But for now, I'm enjoying my Sabbath.
The other morning in my place of meeting (sounds important, it's my new hammock out back, I'm a creature that loves ceremony) I had the strangest experience. I was reading my Bible, and the spirit told me no..."ok, so not that passage, I'll read the next". no. Put it down. Seriously, put down the thing that I am trying so hard to instill back into my daily life? But it was clear as day, almost audible. "Stop trying to learn me and just BE with me. I'm relational, I love you, I'll tell you all you want to know." I was shocked, excited and humbled. I go about life, trying to learn, I'm a Berean at heart. Those are great things, and part of what makes me, well, me. But during this season, God has really showed me that I can't do ANYTHING while abiding. That's the whole point. (and yes, I do still pick up my Bible each morning, but for different reasons)
It's hard, but in the midst of pruning, a love like no other time shows through. A protection and trust is shown while all the things that have become dead and fruitless are cut away.
I've also learned that in the pruning time, if you try and produce fruit...it will whither away...rather quickly. I'm not meant to produce anything at this time...such revolutionary thinking in this American-Christian society.
So, my posts may be rather bland, one sided and well...less "Courtney"...but what my prayer that you see now, is My Love. He is who should shine through, for you see, there is not much of me now, I'm being pruned.
Peace be with you.
Take your pick, you name which "wagon" it is and I feel like I am just watching drive off into the sunset! Health, Exercise...blogging.
I apologize for my lack of responsibility. If I'm going to have a blog, I need to keep it up. If any of you are still out there. Thanks.
So, as I climb back onto the rickety car and rejoin the wagon train, I will try and be concise and fluid as I share where I am.
I am at a place that if not careful, I could stay forever. A place that I think has gotten many people in trouble, if not handled correctly. A place of Abiding. As in, when the branches are being pruned, they abide in the vine. It is blissful, restful, beautiful...it's full. I wonder, and understand the struggle, how the Israelites returned to work after taking every 7th year off. Although, with my personality, I guess I will be itching to get back at it. But for now, I'm enjoying my Sabbath.
The other morning in my place of meeting (sounds important, it's my new hammock out back, I'm a creature that loves ceremony) I had the strangest experience. I was reading my Bible, and the spirit told me no..."ok, so not that passage, I'll read the next". no. Put it down. Seriously, put down the thing that I am trying so hard to instill back into my daily life? But it was clear as day, almost audible. "Stop trying to learn me and just BE with me. I'm relational, I love you, I'll tell you all you want to know." I was shocked, excited and humbled. I go about life, trying to learn, I'm a Berean at heart. Those are great things, and part of what makes me, well, me. But during this season, God has really showed me that I can't do ANYTHING while abiding. That's the whole point. (and yes, I do still pick up my Bible each morning, but for different reasons)
It's hard, but in the midst of pruning, a love like no other time shows through. A protection and trust is shown while all the things that have become dead and fruitless are cut away.
I've also learned that in the pruning time, if you try and produce fruit...it will whither away...rather quickly. I'm not meant to produce anything at this time...such revolutionary thinking in this American-Christian society.
So, my posts may be rather bland, one sided and well...less "Courtney"...but what my prayer that you see now, is My Love. He is who should shine through, for you see, there is not much of me now, I'm being pruned.
Peace be with you.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Story
I know, it's been almost a month...really...how did that happen? I write this post, a little fevered, a lot feeling really ill and mostly dumbfounded.
In the past 24 hours I have read two books on genocide. People who know me well, will smirk a little at this. Yes, I submerge myself and can read books quickly when I want too...and yes, tragedy is my favorite genre, and if it is a TRUE tragedy, I eat it up. These two genocides are 40 years apart from each other, on different continents, written by two people who are nothing alike...and yet, the similarities are frightening. The first is the book Night by Elie Wiesel which is his first hand account of the Nazi takeover. Being shuffled from camp to camp, in his shockingly refreshing honesty (much like Manning's) it drags you through the stench of emotion that we dare not even imagine.
The second is Left to Tell by Immaculee Ilibagiza...words cannot describe this book. This heroic woman recounts the life she LIVED during the Rwandan holocaust...to say she is a hero of mine, is an understatement. The cursor blinks as I think of words to type...
So in the midst of these two books about God, questions, humanity and evil...I found my worldview once again being opened. As I sit and realise that we all have stories, issues and tragedy...I see the questions that these people asked in thier situations that I couldn't even point pictures too at times, the very same as mine as I seek God's counsel about daily situations. Lies are lies. The devil only has that trick...fear, doubt, irrational thinking...it's all about lies. Whether it's a lie that a certain people group is inferior to you and God would rather them be dead or that You aren't worth loving and no one really likes you. We all fall prey to the lies...
What is even more exceptional is that freedom in all these situations is also found in the hope of the truth. How these two people found hope at all is a miracle, but the fact that I find hope is too. I love finding people with scars who are not ashamed of them, realise that God thinks they're beautiful and has shown them a way to use them. Our scars are our stories and our stories change lives. Don't hide your scars, take the oversized sweaters off and surround yourself with people who love you scars and all, and let the world gawk and stare...then someone will be brave enough to ask a question...which in turn you have the opportunity to answer...and thus a conversation is born...
Get these books. Left to Tell is my recommendation if you can only read one. Find courage in their stories...and share your own.
In the past 24 hours I have read two books on genocide. People who know me well, will smirk a little at this. Yes, I submerge myself and can read books quickly when I want too...and yes, tragedy is my favorite genre, and if it is a TRUE tragedy, I eat it up. These two genocides are 40 years apart from each other, on different continents, written by two people who are nothing alike...and yet, the similarities are frightening. The first is the book Night by Elie Wiesel which is his first hand account of the Nazi takeover. Being shuffled from camp to camp, in his shockingly refreshing honesty (much like Manning's) it drags you through the stench of emotion that we dare not even imagine.
The second is Left to Tell by Immaculee Ilibagiza...words cannot describe this book. This heroic woman recounts the life she LIVED during the Rwandan holocaust...to say she is a hero of mine, is an understatement. The cursor blinks as I think of words to type...
So in the midst of these two books about God, questions, humanity and evil...I found my worldview once again being opened. As I sit and realise that we all have stories, issues and tragedy...I see the questions that these people asked in thier situations that I couldn't even point pictures too at times, the very same as mine as I seek God's counsel about daily situations. Lies are lies. The devil only has that trick...fear, doubt, irrational thinking...it's all about lies. Whether it's a lie that a certain people group is inferior to you and God would rather them be dead or that You aren't worth loving and no one really likes you. We all fall prey to the lies...
What is even more exceptional is that freedom in all these situations is also found in the hope of the truth. How these two people found hope at all is a miracle, but the fact that I find hope is too. I love finding people with scars who are not ashamed of them, realise that God thinks they're beautiful and has shown them a way to use them. Our scars are our stories and our stories change lives. Don't hide your scars, take the oversized sweaters off and surround yourself with people who love you scars and all, and let the world gawk and stare...then someone will be brave enough to ask a question...which in turn you have the opportunity to answer...and thus a conversation is born...
Get these books. Left to Tell is my recommendation if you can only read one. Find courage in their stories...and share your own.
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